Feeling A Little Blue In January Is Normal

6 Feb

Maybe it’s a little too 6 days late, but I have just found time to do this. The first month of 2012, I think I lived a whole lot of nothingness during it. The highlight has been relationships, nevertheless.

For the first time in my 22 years of life, I actually finally celebrated New Year’s the way I always wanted to. I met up with a couple of my college best friends and we hit up this one club. Almost everything after 1AM cannot be recalled, I just know there was a lot of music I was dancing to, but I cannot remember what it was. But I guess I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t wait to be reunited with them again. All out in the real world, making it through everyday doing what we love/hate.

And that readers, has been the last day I had a fun night out. Everyday since then, the highlight has been family. For the most part, my aunt and grandmother. Thank God my parents flew in from 8000 miles away to see me and the couple of weeks end of the month I spent with them was the most comforting experience in quite a long time. I could fall sick and let mom take care of me, let her cook for me, discuss what I am going to do with my life with my dad… basically their emotional support was all I needed in that month of figuring out if I should accept the job offers I received. Sadly, I decided to stay unemployed than accept something I don’t see myself being happy doing.

Yes, I am just that picky in all areas of my life.

I had one date. Hold up.. me? A date? Serious? Yes. One, though. From the four guys who were asking me out, he came the closest to somebody I could relate to, or was attracted to for that matter. Thought I would give it a shot. See if it changes my views about men at all. I think this was the second real date of my life, and it was a nice experience. The guy seemed decent. Later that night after I got home, though, he asked me on Facebook chat if I’d want to marry him. I was like uh… pretty much like that How I Met Your Mother pilot where he told her he loved her on their first date. Of course, I didn’t know what to say. I mean, he practically told me everything about his past struggles, named everyone of his 7 or 8 brothers and sisters, what he plans to do with his life… I mean, maybe far down the road I could consider it. So, well, after a while, I just replied “I wouldn’t say no lol” and let the conversation end there. The “lol” had to follow. Maybe it was some sort of test question, or he is always that awkward. I don’t know. But either way, well, eventually within a matter of few weeks, while I got busy spending time with family, networking, and going on different job interviews that weren’t my priority, we slowly stopped texting back and forth. I think we’ve stopped talking. The last I heard from him was the last day of January.

I could care less though really. Under the conditions I am living through right now, having any interest in dating would be considered abnormal. Okay, for one, I moved out here almost a couple of months ago and have made but one attempt at getting to know someone outside of the family I live with and see everyday of my life, and using technology and social networking sites to stay in touch with the friends from home and college. Second, the men my aunts have been married to.. uber disappointing. Disappointing with their chauvinist beliefs, disappointing with the deeds they have done before and after their marriage and still do, disappointing with how low they think of their wives. The things I witness happen around me are unbelievably horrible, and I guess the only reason I decided to go out with that guy was to get away from the miserable reality of my extended family’s life.

Well, needless to say, January was mostly blue. The way my life has turned.. from the carefree days with my friends my university years, few weeks of unemployment despite a 3.6 GPA and my overly high expectations for my career, seeing my parents after such a long time… to becoming more bitter thanks to everything I was exposed to. Not much about me changed though. I still smile and laugh, I joke about my depressed state of mind, I take unwinding walks in the neighborhood and have small talk with older strangers walking by, I eat a lot of chocolate… still the same old me, going through a phase of blues unfortunately most of my friends I graduated with are going through too.

February, I hope you’re as good as my horoscope claims you to be. I am hoping to get an offer for a job I am finally going to be interested in doing, and hopefully move out and get my own place soon.


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