Oops… Freudian Slips?!

27 Feb

I have done this thing a few times recently and only realized it last night, and I did it again a few minutes back, and now I am scared.

Freudian slips? I mean, I would like to call them that. When I am clearly thinking the word “talking” and repeating it in my head as I type the word… “kidding”. And I don’t realize I even did that until I happen to read what I typed 10 minutes later.

That’s just one of a couple other incidents I can recall. Like some time back, I end up typing “lost my friend” when I clearly meant to type “lost my mind”. And the other time when I type “love” instead of “live” [which very well could have been a typo, I am not sure anymore].

Either way, this has made me nervous. This hasn’t happened before. And if I sit to diagnose myself, I could probably  come up with hundreds of paranoid conclusions that are totally irrelevant, like ADD or ADHD (I tested, I am none of those). So I will just analyze all this as Freudian slips.

I don’t like Freud, for starters. His theories were too chauvinist for my taste, and mostly just uber horsecrap. But I do believe in a subconscious mind that can function almost as a separate entity, and sometimes come out in parapraxis.

Now that’s what I am talking (kidding) about: Did my subconscious really meant what I was talking about a joke? Interesting.

Live (Love) fast: Just run all the red lights and crash into love? And then rush out of it at same pace? Is that what my subconscious wants?

I must have lost my mind (friend): Guess I really am unable to function well without my friends?

I can come up with a few reasons why this is happening.

  • Recently I have not put my brain through any challenging activities to keep it distracted, and maybe that could be bringing me in terms with my subconscious mind causing it to speak more often than my conscious one… maybe.
  • Or maybe through all of the incidences, I was thinking of something else at the same time and my fingers couldn’t figure out which thought they should cooperate with.
  • Okay, so my brain hasn’t been as inactive as I tend to express it. I have been stressed trying to adjust to a new lifestyle with new people and new responsibilities, had my few hopeless moments which left me feeling pretty sad and almost got me losing myself to depression, lived through the feeling of nostalgia about my wonderful recent past, in addition to my several escapes to another reality where things happened to be much better.
  • Could living with an elder person who is of that late age – when memory loss and having trouble recalling very recent events – damage your brain cells too… if you’re very empathetic?
  • Seasonal Affective Disorder? Or just plain old PMS?

All I know, though, is that, at this very moment, I need to be put back in my natural habitat. That where I continuously don’t have to surrounded by relatives, that where I have the means and freedom to meet new friends, that where my old friends aren’t so far away from me, that where I can laugh so hard my tummy hurts and eyes water, that where I sincerely like belonging to. Don’t get me wrong, I am not selfish. I feel for the troubles my relatives are going through, and I spend most of my time providing whatever emotional support I can, even when I have no idea what to say and even when I feel it’s not my place to say anything – which by the way, is most of the time. But it’s ripping me apart from my own mental well-being I feel. If this keeps up, my next Freudian Slip would probably be an instant-blush-red-with-humiliation end of me.

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