Are We Thinking With Logic Or Feelings?

4 Jun

A slow Sunday for business brought me and my coworkers to a pretty heated discussion about what they perceive to be the mistakes women make when it comes to dating and finding the one, why they always prefer the douchebag over someone comparably nicer, and why they are always so hung up over one.

My friend’s theory was pretty simple: women follow their heart way too much. They seek that emotional and physical connection way too much. They need to feel the attraction, the dude has to meet the criteria they have set for their soulmate. And when they feel the attraction and the connection, even when he doesn’t meet the criteria and they are able to admit their significant other is an asshole, they will continue to be with him. They will continue to hold on to their feelings.

To him, if women used logic, they wouldn’t say no to a date without meeting a person and figure out things along the way. And the moment they felt uncared for and disrespected by someone, they would leave him. If another guy is nice, marriage-material, with potential to be a good father, they would pursue a relationship with him. And the attraction and everything will follow. Very much similar to the phenomenon of arranged marriages, which have the lowest rate of failure.

When it came to putting light on my dating life, where I say I don’t need a man to take care of me, where I can do it by myself, it all came down to him concluding I can say that because I am 23. He told me about this girl he knows who was me when she was my age. And now nearly 30, she is finding herself in tears, wishing she could be married, wishing she could have a child. Feeling like it’s so late for her now.

Needless to say, the end of the conversation pretty much found me in tears. I can’t completely disagree with what he said, I mean of course, we as women are always going to follow our heart. We are basically taught to find that emotional connection, we want to be wow’ed by the one we are with. We follow the GIFs and quotes that tell us to be with someone we cannot live without than with someone we can live with. I understand when my other friend said we humans now are way too programmed by media – it teaches us how to think, how to feel, and that is the only right way.

I mean, I don’t even necessarily find myself anywhere there, except yeah, I would like to be with someone who gets me, and I will make the mistake of saying it’s because that helps me feel the connection with them. It all came down to why I am refusing to go out with the guys they want to introduce me to, to why I completely lost interest in someone who I was just starting to get to know because one thing he did was too Jersey Shore for me…

We all try to fight the idea of settling down, we keep running, exploring to find more – the perfect something that is exactly something that meets our set criteria. But what if there is nothing more out there? What if, even if it is there, it’s not meant to be yours? What if that person who you feel so deeply for is unable to feel anything back for you? What if you are not their type?

My only defense to it was, I don’t want anyone to like me if I am unable to like them back. I don’t want them to feel a connection, to feel happy with me – I don’t want to mean anything to anyone who I am unable to let grow into someone who would mean a lot to me, too. In the end, I am not a robot, I am a human and I am capable of thinking and feeling, and being honest with myself would be to acknowledge this as a trait I cannot change.

Yes, well, thinking with feelings again, but where I would disagree with my friend, is that there is logic behind those feelings. And the only place I would not be using logic behind my feelings would be when I am finding myself hung up over someone who couldn’t give two shits about me. Which, well… basically, is the mistake majority of the women out there are making.


3 Responses to “Are We Thinking With Logic Or Feelings?”

  1. moonlite7 June 4, 2012 at 02:56 #

    Hmm interesting..

  2. C June 4, 2012 at 03:41 #

    man you’ve been posting like crazy!

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