The Right Time vs The Right Person

11 Jun

“The older you get, the harder it is to find someone you can truly love. Cuz you have grown into who you were going to be, and then there is no room to give yourself a chance to grow with someone.”

Or along those lines is what my friend told me last night. And yes, it came from a guy. Not a girl. And he really got me thinking when he asked, “if you’re promised you will find the one you are looking for if you go on a thousand dates, would you do it?”

That is because I initially refused to want to date several people; I wanted to date one. But according to him, sitting on my arse waiting for love to come knocking on my door isn’t anywhere near realistic.

I know. I have a friend who is out there, dating and dating, searching and searching. She is definitely closer to finding her perfect someone. Even though every guy is the one, she is on the right – maybe a little bumpy – road to a happy future.

I, on the other hand, I have avoided relationships. Sometimes, very aware. Sometimes, purely subconsciously. And the conversation brought light to it. Through university, I knew I wasn’t going to stay in the city, or in the state for that matter. I knew I was leaving, I refused to try to emotionally connect with someone for that reason.

And since I have been out here, I have kind of done the same thing. I have let myself avoid guys who wanted something real, even when I said I wanted something real. I always continuously felt there is something more, another milestone I need to reach, before I can start looking. It used to be really easy to keep my heart on lock, until I realized I had started to let my walls down way too fast, way too soon. Probably at the worst time, or at a place I knew very well would be labelled Fail.

What this friend said and implied was, if he meets the girl who is everything he had been searching for in ‘the one’, time and place won’t stand in the way. It’s the person he would want beside him when he is on his death bed looking back at his life, not the career he built or the status he earned.

Realistic, with a tint of hopeless romantic.

I know what he means. I can’t say I don’t want that. And I also can’t deny I find myself nervous about wanting to take that step. Since everytime I prepared myself, it was only a matter of time I got crushed, or made a total fool of myself and then got crushed.

There is a song by Pakistani singer, Bilal Khan, where he talks about him being the only one who can fight his loneliness, if he would get up and go get the one, instead of waiting, wondering. Just fyi, his lyrics are beautiful. Some of it I don’t understand, but what I do get, I find there to be a lot of emotion in every word he sings.

Anyhoos. Basically, this is a discussion with myself. I know when I am able to open up to someone, and I know when I will never be able to tell them anything. And I know when I am not able to, that person has no important placement in my life, and I can’t even give myself a second try to open up to them.

And what else? I want to be understood. I want to be admired for who I am, and I want to be accepted for things about me I can’t change without turning back time.

Considering I have accepted every person in my life the way they are and never attempted to change them, all I know is when I am able to get that back from someone and be loved, that would be the one I would go ahead take the leap with. Whether we fly, or we fall to the ground.

I do believe when the person is right, there isn’t a thing like the right time. Every fight you put up for them is justified. Now, all that remains is, when the time comes, when a person accepts me the way I am, would I really be able to believe him… or would I run away telling myself it’s just bad timing??

I will end with what he ended our conversation with:

The hardest thing to do is usually the right thing to do.

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