Practicing Patience

21 Jul

Work has taken up all my life. I barely have time for anything else. The most time I give to myself is sleep, and trying to look fresh and good for work. All things good and bad and fun and remorseful happen at work. But I seriously appreciate it that way. After all the hours of the day I spend in the company of people – some who make sense and some you wonder why they exist in your life – it’s a blessing coming home to an empty apartment that is just the way I left it. It’s my time away from the hustle and bustle to either just fall into bed and pass out, or to sit back and reflect.

This weekend has been eventful. I went to midnight premiere of The Dark Knight Rises and I think that was one of the best decisions I made lately. I was completely blown away. But getting home at 4 in the morning and having to be awake within the next 4 hours was not so awesome.

Starved and tired, I couldn’t fast that day. But I practiced it, testing how long I can go without food and water and my patience with the people I encountered. Most of whom caught me by surprise.

Like, this little girl when I went with my coworkers to get lunch at Domino’s. She was going all psycho outside the store with her mother trying to calm her down, and she just runs and makes her way into the restaurant, comes and falls on my knees, then well, HITS ME!!!

My reaction? Frozen in ultimate shock, until my coworkers prompted we better wait outside the store. After being quiet for the longest time, the only thing I found myself utter was “that girl is soooo possessed!!!” Well, she was being a little brat. When her mother finally brought her out and tried to make her apologize to me, all she does is make an “aaachoooo” sound, without the sneeze. The devil.

Yeah, I change my mind from hating kids to starting to find them okay to back to finding them a nuisance. I know I would have smacked my kid if it behaved in such an embarrassing way. Manners sometimes must be taught the harsh way so they learn to carry themselves properly out in the world.

As if that experience wasn’t enough with kids, we return to our store to find a little boy puking all over the floor, and the mother kind of just standing there, letting him throw up and just apologizing with a nervous smile. Yes, it took a lot of practicing patience and leaving the chaotic situation to stay calm during that.

It was probably the only time I said no to my manager to cleaning the store: “not my baby, not my mess to clean.”

Then more incidents with a new coworker with her trying to steal my sales [because I am too nice to ever just tell somebody to back off] and then even insulting me trying to be funny. I just laughed it off, but none of the guys we work with found it funny and actually all stood up in my defense, like “we got your back don’t worry.” I guess that will teach her to watch what she says to me, about me next time. It was just super sweet of them to do that for me.

And then came practicing patience with customers. Especially today, while I was fasting. Customer service can be a tough thing sometimes, where you have to be nice and all smiley when you clearly just want to break some jaws. Like the old men who come in and somehow manage to convey every dirty thought they are having about you, and you just laugh it away like “awww what a cute old man” when clearly they are not trying to be cute. And those that try to flirt instead of letting me complete my transaction with them. And those who force you to give them your number or they will not leave the store, so you end up giving them the store phone number, all the while their deluded mind doesn’t realize.

Literally. A lot of patience.

And then getting a phone call from the aunt I was living with and then one day got up and ran away from. Although it was a voicemail. I still haven’t called. I don’t know how to call back, talk past the awkwardness of the way we left things. I definitely do not want to talk about things – like I have mentioned before, confrontations and recovering after falling apart by going over the past is not my forte.

But I guess I will give a callback tomorrow, see how and where things flow. I definitely hope there is no drama – another thing that makes me super uncomfortable. I am an unreacting, emotionless person towards majority of the people in my life – except the chosen few special people. And I can’t fake anything, especially sympathy. But I guess that is the thing with blood relations… you can never end those. They are always going to come crawling back in your life even when you don’t want anything to do with them.

Or maybe I will learn to blend into what we are now? Forgive and forget? Start new? Time heals everything, right? Is it going to be worth it? Will it benefit anyone? Am I thinking, planning too much?

I don’t know. Guess I just have to be patient again and let time unfold what will become of us. Considering it’s Ramadan, holding grudges and being angry is another thing not acceptable. So I just have to look at reopening the lines of communication with her as a step towards the better person I had made up my mind to be. Let’s see where that shall take me…

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