Archive | September, 2012

The New Thing At Work

28 Sep

So recently my colleagues got into researching those secret government societies and their secret agendas and thw secret ways they carry out what they carry out. Most of it, I had extensively privately studied during my college years, and now refreshing my mind as my coworkers slowly are learning about everything. It’s the new pasttime at work, and interesting. I can’t complain. Lol.

Dehypnotization isn’t much of an easy process. But I see some progress away from the ignorance that has been consuming the lives of the people. Resistance to it, I also witness. I went through that for a few days too back in the day when I was exposed to this reality for the first time. It doesn’t happen initially. It happens when you begin to be fed the more serious stuff.

Let’s see how far beyond they can go before they revert back to the hypnotized stage, back to being puppets, because it became too much information to process at once.

It’s like the quote: “you don’t know what’s going on. You don’t even know you don’t know…” or something around those lines. Let’s observe how much they can see and stay willing to see.

Interesting work life has become again.

Walk-Thru The In-Crowd

22 Sep

Being the silent observer was awesome. I don’t know how I let myself slip into let’s see what the in-crowd has to offer, let’s make new friends.

Worst idea of my life. Well, currently the worst idea. Not everybody life forces you to interact with regularly should be befriended. Giving people a chance is brave, they said. Giving people a chance is also stupid, they never said.

But, I should say, becoming a part allows you to learn more. Kind of, hands on. My sole purpose had become to observe human behavior and interaction. And then it took me little time to realize I was becoming a victim of their subtle attacks and gossip. And, that was my cue to leave.

And that got them worried. I sensed some concern, more curiosity, but most of all, I sensed fear. Fear from not understanding why I am not making eye contact, why I am not engaging in conversation, or laughing along to the silliness.

I have found organizational behaviour research interests just in time, I would say. I am pretty sure I can create a motivational theory by classifying them together based on similar traits. My inspiration to stick around, I guess.

So, here I am, reverting back to exclusion. For the most part. It’s like, one thing I have observed, you will be a victim of gossip despite having the lowest profile possible. There’s no escape from it.

Much progress I have made in the so many days I have been missing from here. Besides the return to high school life, I am only growing in other areas of my life. I am surprised how easily a relationship fell in line without it being loads of work like I thought it would be. Or it’s just the person he is, easy to be with. He was a real good sport when I dragged him to see one of my favourite DJs perform this week.

EDM, oh how I love. It made me miss my friends in college soooo much. We’re planning a getaway in January, and I cannot wait to be reunited with them. It’s been forever, and the year has flown by so much faster. I am kind of really scared being blank as to what I will be doing for 6 of the months before I start school. I love my parents and I miss Saudi Arabia, but I don’t want to return from taking care of myself and my life to becoming a burden they cannot wait to marry off, in the suicidally horrible event of being rejected from the graduate programs I am dying to get into.

Uh yeah, no. This is all I can see, and this is all that I want. Future work out how I want it to. InchAllah, inchAllah, inchAllah :/

Something New, Something Different

16 Sep

I feel like I disappeared for quite a while. I was sick, recovering, midst of so much work, and a new relationship that was still supposed to be in the bud but bloomed pretty quick.

Yeah, he came out of nowhere when I had totally given up and absolutely enjoying being alone and feeling uncomfortable about the thought of sharing myself with anybody. But, we have spent every day of the one week we started dating together. And, surprisingly, I really liked his company.

Dinners and movies and shopping and aimless strolls and adventures on public transportation, it has been great. And he is successfully changing my forever-held opinion of all men are pigs, especially when they enter my life. I love how much he respects and appreciates and adores me, so I cannot even complain right now.

Except I still have my guard up pretty strong. He is one of the ultimate nice guys, and feels for me a lot more than I currently return. I mean, it has only been a week but it feels so much longer than that.

And well aware of the fact there are only two ends to a relationship: you break up, or you grow old together. And we already joked about both endings. I don’t even know if that’s an appropriate conversation to have.

All I know is, if there is someone you can trust, share your secrets with, be yourself, and feel comfortable doing that, there is no reason you shouldn’t be with them. I guess maybe it’s because it has been over three years someone has had genuine feelings for me is why I am remaining sort of skeptical… while trying to convince myself to let my guards down.

So, oh well, let’s see where this goes. I don’t want to be one of those girls who push away someone so nice and so sincere because she is too bitter to believe this would be anything different from her past. I like how he makes me feel good about myself, and I like how he is one of the few guys who know how to dress well enough to make a uniform look classy. I admire his avoiding-all-things-trashy lifestyle: no tattoos, no smoking, no drinking, no partying – he’s very much just my type 🙂

So, gonna live it one day at a time, and to remember I have an exam end of October I need to do extremely awesome at. No room for screw ups at all, or my future is going to be a blank page :/

All The Suffering, For What?

4 Sep

I got sent home early from work today. Because I was too sick. Sick because of my period cramps. Happens every month, and every month I feel like death is upon me, or should be upon me because staying alive through this suffering is like hell on earth. Every single time, I find myself whine about how I am definitely going and getting my ovaries or uterus removed because I cannot live like this.

Trust me, the pain is horrible. I can’t stand up, I can’t sit down, I can’t even lie down in bed and feel comfortable. To top it all, I most of the time find myself throwing up, sweating and shivering at the same time. And go on for hours feeling that way. No amount of Midol seems to help. I overdose on those painkillers and nothing happens. I dread I have become immune to them. I hold hot water bottles against me but they turn cold before they even start to relieve me.

And, again, this time very seriously, I question myself. I question God. WHYYYYY!!!! If it wasn’t enough to have our hoohas explode to pop out babies who are going to be a moment’s joy and a lifetime of disappointment, we have to bleed all our lives and we have to hurt while bleeding.

Okay, so in return for all that we suffer now, we are promised no suffering in Heaven. Fair enough. But why suffer in the first place anyways?! To go to Heaven where we will have to share our husbands we love so much with 72 virgins who we are supposed to enjoy watching being violated by the man I am married to? Yeah, it requires women to be heartless, but they were not made that way, so just had to put insane amounts of heart towards being heartless to eventually avoid going insane themselves.

I mean, okay, so women are promised everlasting beauty in Heaven, but what is the use if it fails to keep a man’s mind and heart all to ourselves? Don’t men get the easy way out on earth and in heaven? They can have four wives here under certain circumstances, 72 virgins in heaven, it’s never a dull moment for them. It’s not even so hard for them anyways because they are born with no heart, and only think with their wing-wangs.

If it’s ultimate happiness in Heaven, I guess it could only mean that women there are going to have no heart, no feelings, no sense of what love is. They are going to be too absorbed in themselves to worry about anything else. Which would be considered narcissistic and selfish in this life. Basically, women in Heaven are going to have to be ignorant to be happy.

And then, women are called bitter. I guess we are bitter for a reason. There is no win for us, no matter what. If we hurt when all these questions pop in our minds, we are probably shunned away for feeling this way. We get told it’s the Devil that is making us think like that. So I wonder, why were we made sensitive and emotionally weaker than men if we had to do the suffering and not them? We should have just been machines, who without any sense of right and wrong obey whatever command is given to us without question. Which a lot of women do, but they do while still breaking into pieces on the inside. I would not question anything then.

Upon research, all scholars have to say is temptations are higher for men than for women in this life. If he acts upon even a teeny bit upon those urges, he loses the 72 virgins, along with other levels of punishments. But if a woman acts upon those urges, she is shamed throughout her life on Earth, and well had nothing like 72 virgins for herself to lose, so just goes on to eternal torment in the afterlife.

I mean, it doesn’t mean I am going to turn away from my religion. I know Islam grants women more rights than other religions grant women, but even though it says equality, there is still several levels of inequality. If we were naturally programmed to not notice the inequality, I could say the world would be a better place for us. If we were born with the innate fetish of sharing our men, of being sadomasochistic enough to enjoy deathly cramps and labor pains, I would call it equality then. If we were supposed to live being treated as objects – whether it is sex objects or objects of affection – we should just not have been given the curse of feelings. We should have been made immune to pain. We should have been made immune to heartbreaks. If sexual temptations were greater for men, then for acting upon them, suffering for them should have been greater. Losing their virginity should have been painful, they should have carried the unborn child so they learn responsibility, they should have not been promised four wives and seventy-two virgins.

What message is that supposed to send to us women? That we are so easily irreplaceable, we are not enough, and we should just whore ourselves out because that is all we are worth in the end?

The Creeper And The Entertainer

2 Sep

There are three kinds of customers: those who come in to do business and leave in peace, those who creep on you the whole time you’re taking care of them, and those who like to create unnecessary drama for your entertainment.

So tonight, on my way home, like just a few blocks away from home, I happened to cross a nightmare. A customer. No, not just any customer. One who refused to leave the store. The one who spent like the longest time in the store trying to ask me out and going on to describe me as an “exotic creature“. Which by the way, has now become a comment to tease me with at work.

And tonight, seeing him on the street, still not knowing the purpose of the buttons on his shirt, it literally made my heart stop for a few seconds – my initial stage of alarm. I tried to pretend I did not notice him, but he stepped up to me anyways, and as I tried to rush past, he grabbed my arm.

Gross. Gross, because he is a gross individual. Gross because I do not like being just grabbed on the street. Or anywhere for that matter. As busy as this street is, it is still dark enough around some corners, and not walked on at all times. Just cars rushing by for the most part.

He started to say something to me but well, I do not walk the streets without music blasting through my earphones and I heard not a word he said, just barely saw his lips move to form the words “hey” and “you“. I mumbled some words I myself didn’t hear and like broke free, still not looking at him in the eye, or acknowledging the fact I had seen his face. I ran. Not like all the way ran, I had stuff I was carrying. And wearing heels. More like, escape-mode-fast-walking.

After a few seconds, I turned around. Just to be sure he is not going to follow me. With the recent mysterious unwelcomed entry into my bedroom from God knows where, I was not going to risk being followed all the way home by a mentally-kind-of-not-all-the-way-there or likely-involved-in-some-shady-business person who spends hours at my job trying to compliment me and get my number with myself being uselessly polite because I am scared to offend somebody who shows potential to be dangerous.

Well, he did not follow. I think he was a little too drunk. But all I know is, now I have a legit reason to be worried. Running into people on the street who know me from work. I do not like that at all. Most of them are the creepers who I don’t know why let themselves think they can seriously get the number of someone with one cheesy, scuzi-muah pickup line.

I am sure this dude will return to the store this month, question me about this incident, beg me for my number again, and leave me his number, telling me things he has planned for me on a date with him, and how my multiraciality totally compliments his multiraciality.

Strange people I encounter at work I tell you. Very strange. I kind of really enjoy how customers walk in trying to threaten us for refunds and credits they are not eligible for, creating drama, embarrassing themselves. And then seeing me and getting even madder because I cannot, for the love of God, stop myself from laughing when I find something funny.

Like, just a couple of days back, me and my manager were doing something quite seriously, when the customer my coworker was taking care of, suddenly grunted. The two of us shared half a look, she whispers “gross” and that was it. We burst out laughing. I hid behind the computer screen while she ran in the back, and tried to stop laughing.

And then today, a customer was returning her phone and wanted to cancel her service, but wanted refunds for stuff that was clearly stated in bold on her receipts will not be refunded – only exchanged, if at all. Oh, the drama she had started. Threats to report us to our customer service that she got horrible customer service from us, picking up everything on our display saying she is going to take it all, and then angrily walks out forgetting her credit card. My coworker finds it, and goes like “so, who wants to go shopping?

We can really be kids sometimes. But I can’t deny I am highly entertained by the everyday happenings at work. Of course, we are serious where we have to be. Customers who are calm and patient and less dramatic, we treat them with utmost respect. Like this one woman who came in for the third time this week for the same issue. I would expect her to lose patience. But we treated her with respect, and she returned the favour. It goes both ways.

But as for the drama queens, we entertain ourselves via the show they put on for us. I am not one of those who can keep a straight face when I am amused. I have tried. But it’s physically impossible. If I have an opportunity to laugh, I shall grab it. I have gotten on the bad side of one customer because of that, but oh well.

My accomplishment of the day: selling an Android phone to a pro-American-products, anti-Google, anti-Android, iPhone-or-die software engineer. And I smoothly maxed that sale out, too. I am going to hashtag this: #LikeABoss!!