All The Suffering, For What?

4 Sep

I got sent home early from work today. Because I was too sick. Sick because of my period cramps. Happens every month, and every month I feel like death is upon me, or should be upon me because staying alive through this suffering is like hell on earth. Every single time, I find myself whine about how I am definitely going and getting my ovaries or uterus removed because I cannot live like this.

Trust me, the pain is horrible. I can’t stand up, I can’t sit down, I can’t even lie down in bed and feel comfortable. To top it all, I most of the time find myself throwing up, sweating and shivering at the same time. And go on for hours feeling that way. No amount of Midol seems to help. I overdose on those painkillers and nothing happens. I dread I have become immune to them. I hold hot water bottles against me but they turn cold before they even start to relieve me.

And, again, this time very seriously, I question myself. I question God. WHYYYYY!!!! If it wasn’t enough to have our hoohas explode to pop out babies who are going to be a moment’s joy and a lifetime of disappointment, we have to bleed all our lives and we have to hurt while bleeding.

Okay, so in return for all that we suffer now, we are promised no suffering in Heaven. Fair enough. But why suffer in the first place anyways?! To go to Heaven where we will have to share our husbands we love so much with 72 virgins who we are supposed to enjoy watching being violated by the man I am married to? Yeah, it requires women to be heartless, but they were not made that way, so just had to put insane amounts of heart towards being heartless to eventually avoid going insane themselves.

I mean, okay, so women are promised everlasting beauty in Heaven, but what is the use if it fails to keep a man’s mind and heart all to ourselves? Don’t men get the easy way out on earth and in heaven? They can have four wives here under certain circumstances, 72 virgins in heaven, it’s never a dull moment for them. It’s not even so hard for them anyways because they are born with no heart, and only think with their wing-wangs.

If it’s ultimate happiness in Heaven, I guess it could only mean that women there are going to have no heart, no feelings, no sense of what love is. They are going to be too absorbed in themselves to worry about anything else. Which would be considered narcissistic and selfish in this life. Basically, women in Heaven are going to have to be ignorant to be happy.

And then, women are called bitter. I guess we are bitter for a reason. There is no win for us, no matter what. If we hurt when all these questions pop in our minds, we are probably shunned away for feeling this way. We get told it’s the Devil that is making us think like that. So I wonder, why were we made sensitive and emotionally weaker than men if we had to do the suffering and not them? We should have just been machines, who without any sense of right and wrong obey whatever command is given to us without question. Which a lot of women do, but they do while still breaking into pieces on the inside. I would not question anything then.

Upon research, all scholars have to say is temptations are higher for men than for women in this life. If he acts upon even a teeny bit upon those urges, he loses the 72 virgins, along with other levels of punishments. But if a woman acts upon those urges, she is shamed throughout her life on Earth, and well had nothing like 72 virgins for herself to lose, so just goes on to eternal torment in the afterlife.

I mean, it doesn’t mean I am going to turn away from my religion. I know Islam grants women more rights than other religions grant women, but even though it says equality, there is still several levels of inequality. If we were naturally programmed to not notice the inequality, I could say the world would be a better place for us. If we were born with the innate fetish of sharing our men, of being sadomasochistic enough to enjoy deathly cramps and labor pains, I would call it equality then. If we were supposed to live being treated as objects – whether it is sex objects or objects of affection – we should just not have been given the curse of feelings. We should have been made immune to pain. We should have been made immune to heartbreaks. If sexual temptations were greater for men, then for acting upon them, suffering for them should have been greater. Losing their virginity should have been painful, they should have carried the unborn child so they learn responsibility, they should have not been promised four wives and seventy-two virgins.

What message is that supposed to send to us women? That we are so easily irreplaceable, we are not enough, and we should just whore ourselves out because that is all we are worth in the end?

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One Response to “All The Suffering, For What?”

  1. beingbatool September 4, 2012 at 20:55 #

    I can sense the anger in your words. I do not know if this is just about that or because you have horrible cramps. You have to research and find the answers to your questions. To be honest, you are only asking the Higher Being for a response. So question Him.

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