Walk-Thru The In-Crowd

22 Sep

Being the silent observer was awesome. I don’t know how I let myself slip into let’s see what the in-crowd has to offer, let’s make new friends.

Worst idea of my life. Well, currently the worst idea. Not everybody life forces you to interact with regularly should be befriended. Giving people a chance is brave, they said. Giving people a chance is also stupid, they never said.

But, I should say, becoming a part allows you to learn more. Kind of, hands on. My sole purpose had become to observe human behavior and interaction. And then it took me little time to realize I was becoming a victim of their subtle attacks and gossip. And, that was my cue to leave.

And that got them worried. I sensed some concern, more curiosity, but most of all, I sensed fear. Fear from not understanding why I am not making eye contact, why I am not engaging in conversation, or laughing along to the silliness.

I have found organizational behaviour research interests just in time, I would say. I am pretty sure I can create a motivational theory by classifying them together based on similar traits. My inspiration to stick around, I guess.

So, here I am, reverting back to exclusion. For the most part. It’s like, one thing I have observed, you will be a victim of gossip despite having the lowest profile possible. There’s no escape from it.

Much progress I have made in the so many days I have been missing from here. Besides the return to high school life, I am only growing in other areas of my life. I am surprised how easily a relationship fell in line without it being loads of work like I thought it would be. Or it’s just the person he is, easy to be with. He was a real good sport when I dragged him to see one of my favourite DJs perform this week.

EDM, oh how I love. It made me miss my friends in college soooo much. We’re planning a getaway in January, and I cannot wait to be reunited with them. It’s been forever, and the year has flown by so much faster. I am kind of really scared being blank as to what I will be doing for 6 of the months before I start school. I love my parents and I miss Saudi Arabia, but I don’t want to return from taking care of myself and my life to becoming a burden they cannot wait to marry off, in the suicidally horrible event of being rejected from the graduate programs I am dying to get into.

Uh yeah, no. This is all I can see, and this is all that I want. Future work out how I want it to. InchAllah, inchAllah, inchAllah :/

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