What… Why…

6 May

Dropped from a 104 to a mere 94 lbs in less than two months. And spending ridiculous amounts of nights awake, sleeping at most four or five hrs at a time. Plus, lost almost all appetite but still eat as much as I think my body can handle at a given time.

I haven’t been sick. I do not think I am stressed, and I do not think I am depressed either. I am deciding between moving for school and moving for work, but I am holding on making any moves until I have a confirmation from my first preference.

I used to watch several episodes of my favorite TV shows at a time, now one or two seem to be enough. I just lay there in bed and toss and turn and play Bejeweled because there comes a point it makes me drowsy. And when I realize I am sleepy and lie down, I seem to wide awake with all kinds of voices in my head talking about all kinds of things. I text my friends who happen to be awake till I am less sleepy, more bored. No use.

And yet, I do not know if the loss of appetite and weight and sleep are interlinked or independent of each other. Or are the result of something bugging my subconscience. I have been an on and off insomniac since earlier this year, and I blamed it on the fear of loss of freewill to imprisonment. Now, I seem to be okay. While I defy a lot, I am also acceptable of a lot. I don’t have adjustment issues, either.

However, there are several episodes now where I am confusing dreams with reality and am having a hard time differentiating if things and conversations really did happen or if I just dreamt it all. I don’t know if I am sleepwalking again, but no odd burns or scratches on me like before, so I don’t think I am.

And I refuse to talk to someone professional because everything becomes funny and unimportant when I try to talk, and those are the last kinds of appointments I need on my plate right now. I had planned on my ideal weight to be 100 lbs, I am way below what I considered ideal. :/

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