Archive | July, 2013

Why Was I Born In A Family That Is Even Remotely Brown

28 Jul

Do mothers realize just how scary it is when they tell their daughters that love isn’t necessary for marriage? That they will have to spend the rest of their lives with a man who they only half understand, let alone love? That they will have to dedicate their lives to producing children and taking care of them? To get busy at work and concentrate on that to fill the gap of a loveless marriage? To tell their daughters they might eventually begin to love their husbands, or vice versa? What kind of consolation is that anyway? Is that the best they think their daughter deserves? To eventually be loved? Sorry mama, I am not settling without love, even though it is one of the toughest things for me to come in terms with. I am not even going to think about marriage to a man I do not love before or at the time of marriage. The love I have for myself is enough to fill that void till then.



28 Jul

I will make it easier for you to walk away
I will make it easier for you to leave
I will let you hate me today
I will let you see the scars I left under your sleeve

Where you once loved me
I will turn it into disgust and hate
Where you once believed in me
I will make you realize I was not all that great

I am nothing but a lost savage
I only know how to cause damage
I just wanted to feast on your heart
Your flesh and blood created such a powerful art

I will let you hate me from today
I will make you want to run away
You deserve to start to heal
Next time you’ll be stronger made of steel

I was only looking out for myself
I did not care about your best interest
I was only swimming in the ocean of lust
Which you mistook for love
Isn’t it the deadliest
Well now you know you gotta be tough

I will make it easier for you to leave
Just roll up your sleeves
See the scars I beautifully crafted
See me laugh at your stupid thought that my love could have lasted.

Daughter – Candles

27 Jul

That boy, take me away, into the night
Out of the hum of the street lights and into a forest
I’ll do whatever you say to me in the dark
Scared I’ll be torn apart by a wolf in mask of a familiar name on a birthday card

Blow out all the candles, blow out all the candles
“You’re too old to be so shy,” he says to me so I stay the night
Just a young heart confusing my mind, but we’re both in silence
Wide-eyed, both in silence
Wide-eyed, like we’re in a crime scene

Well I have brittle bones it seems
I bite my tongue and torch my dreams
Have a little voice to speak with
And a mind of thoughts and secrecy
Things cannot be reversed, we learn from the times we are cursed
Things cannot be reversed, learn from the ones we fear the worst
And learn from the ones we hate the most how to

Blow out all the candles, blow out all the candles
“You’re too old to be so shy,” he says to me so I stay the night
Just a young heart confusing my mind, but we’re both in silence
Wide-eyed, both in silence

Cause we both know I’ll never be your lover
I only bring the heat
Company under cover
Filling space in your sheets
Well I’ll never be a lover
I only bring the heat
Company under cover
Filling space in your sheets, in your sheets

So, please just blow out all the candles, blow out all the candles
“You’re too old to be so shy,” he says to me so I stay the night
It’s just a young heart confusing my mind, but we’re both in silence
Wide-eyed, both in silence
Wide-eyed, like we’re in a crime scene.

The Real Deal With Islam and Women

23 Jul

First off, I am extremely proud and supportive of Nada Al-Ahdal, the 11 year old Yemeni girl, who escaped child marriage. It was brave of her to come forward and speak out about what is happening and the consequences the child brides suffer.


When people proud of her too decide to blame religion for this – when clearly this is a cultural issue – that is where I lose my temper. It is when they go all the way back to insult the Prophet (S.A.W.) is when I do not know what staying calm is.

Let me lay down some facts for you where you will see child marriage is not an Islamic tradition, but a third-world tradition.

India – a predominantly Hindu country – holds child marriages with brides and even grooms as young as 3 yrs old. When a woman tried to stop this, she was stabbed several times as a warning to stay away. By Hindus, again.

Child marriage still takes place in China and other Asian countries – I believe none of them also are not Muslim countries?

Accurate sources will tell you the age of Aisha at the time of her marriage to the Prophet was 14 or so. Aren’t 14 year old girls in pre-dominantly Christain countries already having sex? Some happily getting pregnant as well?

You want to talk about Islam being unfair to women? Really now? Islam isn’t the one redefining rape, it isn’t the one shutting down abortion clinics, it isn’t the one sterilizing women of “minority”, it isn’t the one placing glass ceilings at the workplace.

What Islam did when it first came around was stop the pagans from burying their newborn daughters alive. It laid down that heaven lies at the feet of mother and the greatest Jihad – or holy war as the West likes to call it – is for a man to love and look after his aging mother. It told men to control their urges, not point fingers at a woman and call her indecent. It gave women more justice for being raped – such that she could inherit half his property, or request the execution of her rapist too. It did not dissolve into patriarchy but actually told men to equally take part in raising children and doing chores. Islam allowed wives to take whatever money they want from their husbands and they do not need to ask their permission, and same time also gave them complete rights over her income that her husband cannot touch without her permission.

So that is Islam. You want to talk about Malala who claims to be shot because she wanted to go to school? Well, if you went to Pakistan yourself, you will see Taliban isn’t stopping them from education – it actually believes in education. Islam urges all Muslims to seek education from the cradle to the grave – both men and women.

I agree, there is injustice in some Muslim communities. But those are cultural – not religious. Those are stemmed from patriarchal beliefs – as if the Taliban mentality does not exist among the conservative American parties.

Seriously, enough with racism. Enough with misogny. Enough with anti-semitism. Enough with islamophobia. Grow some tolerance and stop being so damn ignorant.


22 Jul

Here I lie quite hopelessly
I can’t believe how easily

She took you away from me
Oh how I wish I could have seen
It coming

She kissed your sweet lovely lips
While you held her strong beautiful hips

That I just did not have
Even though I really wish I had

And you left me wondering why
What did I do to deserve to cry

What did I not give to you
What did she know so well how to do
To win your heart
So that you never look back
To see me fall apart in parts

Did she light up your eyes
Better than I could
Did she make you smile
More often than I ever would

Did her touch comfort you
Better than mine did
Did her body make you scream
Louder than mine ever did

Was what I am not good enough
Was the love I gave not strong enough

Does she even come close to knowing you
Like I do
Does she truly see your soul
Or does she just care about fucking you

Does she hold your hand
When you are afraid
Does she fight your demons
Does she keep you safe

Does she know the pain
That she inflicts upon me
When she dances with you in the rain
When you kiss her soft rose cheeks

Sometimes I wanna rip your eyes out of their sockets
When they shine so bright as you slip
Your hands into her back pockets

Why don’t you both fly away
Crash and burn into another day

Where I forget your existence
So I can let go of this nuisance

So I can apply my two cents
Learn how to stay in my senses

But I wish you both the best anyway
I hope you love her for the piece of shit she is everyday
Even though she will, I pray that she never strays
You’re fucking stupid, you deserve her anyway.

Far, Far Away

18 Jul

You know what the furthest thing from our reach is?

It is the past. Because no matter how hard you try, you will never get there.

Those Darn Suitcases

17 Jul

Let’s face it: everyone has baggage. Some big, some small. We carry it around with us all the time, we make friends and we give them a little peak of what we are carrying.

And then we meet a special someone, and this special someone represents what we always wanted: someone who will carry our baggage and in return we carry theirs, distributing the weight.

However, what we do not know is that, sometimes we end up carrying all the weight and the someone who was supposed to be special does not want to help at all. They gave us their stuff and threw ours right back at us.

Some of us carry on, dragging those darn suitcases everywhere even though we are getting tired and have no strength. The weight keeps increasing and we gather more baggage moving ahead.

And then, there are some of us who realize it’s time to grow up. We drop their bags, say “arrivederci, baby” and leave. Because we know, we are not supposed to carry the weight of the world when it will not do so for us. We know, that we are only going to return what is given to us, sometimes in the exact amount – sometimes with a cherry on top.


12 Jul

He came out of the blue
With the sweetest brown eyes I had ever seen
He said he was lost
Lost until he found me
He ached with the love within him
And he begged me to guide him
Show him the world as I know it
So I took his hand and I took him there
but he didnt understand
He fought and he resisted
Said i was too assertive
Destructive with how I love
He didnt know what i was giving him
He feared it so to speak
Yet he wanted it and he needed it
So i made it hard for him to breathe
But he was fascinated with suffocation
He knew I was gonna leave
He knew I would never stay
But he still drugged up on me
A fatal addiction
I showed him what was hard for him to believe
I opened his eyes in a manner they burned and bled
Till all he could see was me
Till I was all he could breathe and taste
Till the touch of my cold skin set his inside on fire
And he burned ice white
With his head spinning I started to blur in front of his eyes
He accused me of destroying him
But he held on to me anyway
I stayed and I stared
Still and aware
I watched his blazing body
I felt it and I held it
Till I was drenched in his molten flesh
I should have burned
I should have felt pain and I should have screamed
Is that not what he wanted
But I didn’t, I couldn’t
I disappointed his remaining corpse
I got up and I walked away
I could still feel his grip
I could feel the heat of his rage
I felt it as it cooled down against me
He failed in his true intention
He failed to warm up the winter within me
And as I felt sorry for failing him
Came another man who appeared promising
His smile was the warmest I had ever known
A tint of hope I was grateful to see
When I set him ablaze
He burned me back and I flinched
He made it happen
But he failed to set me back on fire
The sparks against my fingertips cooled off
He turned to ashes in front of my eyes
He mostly failed
He wasn’t the one
At least he made me believe
Believe that the ice would turn into water someday
That the summer now was finally not too far away

Just Like Me, My Words Don’t Rhyme

10 Jul

There is no greater remorse than that of rushing life, of achieving everything way too soon.

There is no happiness in crossing your destination, only that in getting there.

This soul is that of a vagabond – it strays, it has no home, it moves along wherever the road may lead, it is not meant to belong.

This heart is that of a vagabond – it has no desire for intimacy for completion, it is free from bonds, it has too many passions to be dedicated to one thing.

This mind is that of a vagabond – it wants to be everywhere, it wants to know something of everything, it does not think of you so much.

This life is that of a vagabond – it stops to smell the roses, it enjoys the beauty that surrounds its stroll, it is never meant to be stuck in one boring dream.

There is no lack of knowledge of self – the self knows who it is. And who it is, remains undefined by what it achieves in the eyes of others.

This is what will make me feel complete when my final destination approaches. This is the real joy right now.

These thoughts are that of a vagabond – one that bleeds to be left alone.

Fasting And Moods

9 Jul

Ramadan again. Fasting begins. Where for most people it is refraining from indulging in foods and drinks and lusts, for me the biggest challenge will be anger management. Not that I am really an angry person. It’s just people and things need to stop getting me mad. And I am not in denial either. Many people do say I am absolutely polite (when I am just socially uninterested). You know, the ones that are nice and wise and refrain from utter stupidness and hence also avoid boiling up my brain.

Oh well, temper control begins. Have a blessed Ramadan everyone 🙂