Archive | January, 2014

The Shift

26 Jan

New semester began today. And I am now the Events and Activities Coordinator, who is also in charge of written and oral communication with parents as needed. I take it as a better thing, closer to my major I think. That was the original reason I had went to the school for work in the first place any way. Not to teach. Oh, and I will also be working the remainder of the time in the director’s office. I am pretty sure that would involve just talking and talking cuz he loves to hear me speak. But how my girls reacted to the “this new woman is now your new teacher” was not at all pleasant.

I should have done what others do, and leave the teacher on her own. But it was how much I love these girls and how much they need me is why I stayed to help her with basically every little thing. Two girls cried, one said she doesn’t want the new one she wants me, one looked at me with anger and I couldn’t even do anything about it, the others hugged me and didn’t let go, silent with sadness. And they did it whenever it was possible for them to get their hands on me. The new teacher was invisible to them.

Regardless of that, she had no hold on the students. I had my own classroom engaging ideas and I gave them all away. I helped her so much, filling her up about the students, their management techniques and everything. The admin officially talked to me about the situation as well. All the crap load of they need me, how M’s mother had written a huge letter to the effing owner complaining about the whole system for hiring me.

Honestly, I do not even know why and how such drama was created. Sure, this is my first year as a teacher. But one lie after the other lie was said about me, and I have been nothing but a polite pushover as they tried to bend me and shape me into fixing me with whatever I lack. But it all came down to the admin telling me the parents expect an older, motherly looking teacher -_- To which I just bluntly replied that I cannot do anything about the way I look. Although I did start wearing a fudging lipstick, a darker shade that still thankfully looks natural, but I cannot do anything more than that. I am not getting rid of my bangs, and I am not wearing too feminine clothing, and I am gonna continue to try to not get fat either to look like a damn woman.

My colleagues were pissed about the situation. The outspoken one was all like they cannot just take out an excellent teacher who is providing these kids with what the parents need the most, that is English speaking and reading skills. And honestly, my replacement is weak. I could have lacked social skills, but I had a strong classroom personality. She is the opposite. And the English supervisor told me to just wait and let the complaints flow in. Several teachers were shocked that I of all was replaced. Some felt intimidated by me. One teacher who I don’t even know even said laughing, but conveyed spite right through: “you are still here cuz they like your accent”. I had tamed the most undisciplined girls, I brought out As out of more than half my class, and this one woman’s complain letter and her ugly dominatrix personality that gives her a hold over any social circle she tries to be a part of, made them fear her. Made them replace me.

Psst. Well, I am fine with the new responsibilities, and like my coworkers said, just 4 more months of hell to bear cuz we all need the money. I am just worried about the girls, and how this woman covered only 25% of the lessons for the day. How slow could one be really o.o

At least with the director head over heels impressed with me I know that no matter what I do, I am not getting fired. Even after I said I want to strangle that woman he just listened patiently. Even with psychotic death threats I am still there until I myself leave. One can imagine the situation with the management at this organization now.

Uh, Hi?

4 Jan

I know I’m a tad bit late, but Happy New Year! Things have started looking up ever since that crazy woman encounter, and it isn’t about all that “new year, new me” horse poop. Quite frankly, that never happens. And I never count on a birthday or a year or even a new job or relocation to ever do that.

Change is inevitable. Yet, in my life, it is also gradual. You can absorb all you will ever know in a lifetime in one go, but your change is still not going to immediately happen. So, if there is a list of anythings I have completed the last year learning, it is how I have enjoyed the pretty bumpy road to figuring out where my heart really lies.

My interests are varied, some influenced by curiosity others by passion and still, others by experience. Overall, I have enjoyed teaching. Just the few 6yr old girls I have taught. Mainly because part of me looks at some of these kids as friends, less students. Or because I get to be just myself and use a twisted sense of humor with them that they still laugh at even when they don’t understand. It has, however, not made me fond of kids in general. I still don’t like them. I just like a few of the ones I have come across because they are smart, eager to learn, hug and kiss me way too much, and aren’t spoiled little brats who throw endless tantrums that make you want to grab them and throw them out the window. Nah… these girls I adore.

Then I realized I treat my life like a comedy. Held 4 jobs in the past year, and where one would be stressed about it, I laughed about it. I get some kind of adrenaline rush out of the instability and never knowing what will happen. I mean, there is a limited supply of adrenaline in this part of the world when you run the risk of putting people you care about in more trouble than yourself. You seek it in a less obvious manner.

Then the long gaps between each job helped me become more in tune with myself. So where I didn’t spend time being productive for anybody or anything else, I did so for myself. Cleansing out, renovating self from within, understanding things that make me who I really am and making peace with it. Discovering everything about you, quenching your thirst for obscure knowledge… in the end, education didn’t stop because of limitations. All subjects I had remote interest in, I read up on. You know: where there’s a will, there’s a way!

Oh well, let’s see what 2014 has to bring overall. I don’t expect much, but I hope it will be one – or a few more than one – step closer to shaping and revealing my destiny. 14 has always been “my number” so pretty much fingers crossed for it to bring me luck.