Mad

24 Apr

I’m mad about everything. I am mad about the double-cross plots against me at work. I am about the disrespect management treats us teachers with. I am mad one of my closest friends just got married and never told us until it was done. I am mad I haven’t been able to sleep for more than two hours a night for over a week. I am mad my job description changes far too often and suddenly I am held accountable for things I was told are not my responsibility anymore.

I am mad that people aren’t just backstabbing but frontal-lobe stabbing too. And yes that is a thing too. I am mad people come to me for favors and despite a busy schedule, I try and accomodate them and even when they see I am in no mood or condition to accept any responsibility, they give me this disgusting look that is supposed to make me well, feel disgusted at myseld for refusing to help this one time. I am mad that I just don’t seem to get sick enough of people betraying me when I put my trust in them. I am mad I am that stupid to continue giving them chances after chances.

I am mad that my supervisor tried to turn my students against me, but they held me high enough to come and have a truthful clarification of matters. In the midst of it, I had just the support of a couple of coworkers who actually understood the unfairness I am being treated with and didn’t mind lending a listening ear, even if it was just out of curiosity.

I am mad I was taught to respect and honor people. I am mad I don’t say no when I need to. I am mad I am young and I will work my ass off to learn and grow. I am mad that there is no appreciation or recognition for the effort I put in. I am mad I am one of the youngest teachers and the envy of coworkers is just penetrating fires inside my skin when they see how all students simply stated I am the coolest teacher they have ever had. I am mad they pass sarcastic comments meant to hurt my almost negligible self-esteem. I am mad they don’t know shit about me and still assume. I am mad I want to turn in my letter of resignation but I can’t cuz I care about these students and I care about the money I make out of this job.

End this academic year in a month and I will never return and I will express myself fully to the director who holds me in high regard as well. As long as he is made aware of the number of bullets being fired in my direction, I know things will be better. I know he is probably the only management who will snap at any and everyone who create a hostile work environment for me.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: