Tag Archives: god

The Ascension

24 Jun

And when the sorrows of this world pulled me into the ground, it was Your love that gave me the power and the will to ascend. It was my belief in You that made me strong; strong enough to spin a tornado under my feet, to lift me over the skies and into Your warm embrace.

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Don’t Judge. Thank God.

6 Jul

You will never understand people unless you walk in their shoes. Or keep an open, observant mind when you click your heels next to theirs. We can only see a blurred full picture from a distance. But if we have not lived a life alongside theirs, we can just not hold any kind of judgement of them. We cannot be at the violet and judge that at the red of a rainbow.

We can only thank God for limiting our exposure, our experience of life and keeping us safe and our innocence intact. We can thank God for raising us where we never had to understand what pressure really looks like. We can thank God we met people who walked up a path similar to ours, so we did not have to try to empathize with who we call “rotten”, even if we had no will to sympathize with the being. We have to thank God we were not chosen to set an example or be a lesson to be learned from. We can thank him for giving us no struggles that even remotely were inflicted by society. We can thank God we had the ability to stay silent and dissolve into oppression and believe it to be a natural state of our occurence. We must thank God for giving us a life easier than majority.

April Showers. May Flowers.

29 Apr

I am ready to get out of this country already. I do not know how I have survived the month here. The absence of friends I grew up with, the new work laws – due to which, by the way, me and all the girls I worked with just got laid off. It is like all foreign women in this country are only going to be limited to schools and hospitals. I did not study medicine, and I cannot stand children enough to deal with them on a daily basis, trying to humanize them.

I am all ready to pack my bags and start another adventure. I’m just waiting for my sister to be back so we can visit Dubai, like I have wanted to for years, and meet my brother, and my friends I haven’t seen in forever – literally forever because I have only known them through social networks.

In other news, I wish reality hit me in the face instead of slowly dawning on me. When I confessed to my best friend about how my birthday was ruined, everything else I had bottled inside came rushing out of me, leaving her in utter shock that this was all I was going through. Where once she was among those who loved to see me and J together, and was all excited to be my maid of honor at our wedding, now she consoled me with something that made everything surprisingly clear, filling me with peace of mind:

“I’m really glad you realized it sooner than later! I guess that was your birthday present from God.”

And then it hit me. I had been praying, asking for a sign if J is even worth it. And the more I prayed, the colder I became towards him. So, maybe, after all, how he behaved with me that day slapped a reality check flashback in the face. With only mediocre experience in dating, I wonder what I would do without my friends sometimes. I seem to have gotten quite a few surprises for my birthday lately. And honestly, none of them have disappointed me. I actually laughed when I was informed that we are all getting laid off. With my other life options in front of me, I knew what my friend had said applied to this right here, too. =)

Oh well, I am looking forward to May. I’ll have the next couple of weeks to get any damage incurred during my useless relationship out of my system, and get myself ready for an adventurous and productive weekend away in Dubai with my siblings and friends. I need this.

Always Happy?

4 Jul

So a friend of mine randomly messages me today: “pray for me when you are happy and since you are always happy always pray for me :)”

It was kind of really sweet of him to say that. But always happy? It’s not like he has ever met me. He follows my every single tweet on twitter, and most likely sums me up from it.

But always happy… That is what almost everyone says to me. They say whenever they would look at me, I would always be smiling, or if they aren’t looking at me, they’d always hear me giggling about one thing or the other.

Well, I guess I do tend to do that. Even when I am breaking, I manage to just not let things get to me. There’s something funny about every misery when you observe your life from someone else’s point of view. So despite everything I lose and gain on the daily, I have no complaints, I don’t get bored, I don’t feel anything close to miserable.

Not going to lie, I do get depressed sometimes. But instead of dwell in it, I always find myself making every attempt to distract my mind, even if that meant I sometimes needed to hang onto someone to get out of the black hole.

I keep things to myself, mostly. And when I do let it out, I let it out in a manner that makes it seem like I could care less about what I am going through.

I can’t remember myself this way back in high school; actually, I don’t even know when I turned into a person who doesn’t mind being teased by every friend and every colleague, when I became too perky for people who are carrying way too much unnecessary baggage.

Maybe I just accepted I can’t change any past of mine, and I might as well throw away the baggage since it won’t do anything worthwhile for my present or my future. Guess that is why I am able to smile like a newborn, who doesn’t know of any evil, any sorrow or any deception.

Until life smacks me in the face, but I deal with it and go back to myself. That’s where I know, though, for every hardship I go through and come out of, I just appear several degrees happier to people around me than I was before.

My coworkers say reality hasn’t hit me in the face. When it does, I will become bitter and angry and that is when I will grow up. Well, if that is what mature means, maybe I don’t want to grow up. If depression is what grown ups choose to live with, I am sorry, you might as well kill yourself now.

I am not the most pious person; I am a sinner if anything at all. But I believe life is nothing but a precious gift from God, and it is our job as His believers to not question it, but simply accept it, live it to the fullest, and fight to make it happy. He took a lot of time and care into designing our destiny, and if the best we can plan is to just stay stuck and wait for our end, we are an extremely pathetic lot. We have not learned anything from any of the tests God has put us through. We have failed, and we can now miss out on the rewards He was reserving for us.

So, if I am happy, maybe my gift has been the strength He has given me so far. The strength I need to do alright on my own, the strength needed to fight and live through without feeling like I am fighting and living through anything. God has required us to pray, but He has also ordered us to not forget to multitask – live this life, and to love in this life too. Maybe so we never forget Him when we keep turning to Him for guidance through difficulties, and when we are thanking Him for all the wonderful people and things He sent in our lives.

Reality has hit me. I am 23, not 16. I just learned from it what I was supposed to, not what young-people TV and music and books tried to tell me to learn from it. To me, bitter isn’t mature. And will never be.

Before You Question God

2 Jun

When you are hurt by the people who share blood relations with you, recall Yusuf [AS] who was also betrayed by his brothers.

When you find your parents opposing you (in deen) recall Ibraheem [AS] who was made to jump into a blazing fire by his father.

When you are mocked and abused by your own relatives just because you adopted deen over duniya, recall Rasul Allah [SAWW] who faced the same.

When you are stuck in some problem and find no way out recall Yunus [AS] who was stuck inside the belly of a whale.

When you fall ill and your whole body cries with pain, recall Ayoob [AS] who was more ill than you.

When you feel lonely recall how Adam [AS] felt when he was created alone at first.

When you can’t see any logic in what’s going on and your heart asks why this is happening, recall Nooh [AS] who built the biggest ship without questioning.

A Quick Reply

1 Jun

So while I was praying my Friday prayer today, and praying for a sign, a sense of direction, my phone went off. And the timing for the message was perfect.

I was feeling far beyond lost, I couldn’t keep my head straight, and maybe it was an answer from God. An answer for every distress I have been going through.
Maybe this is something I should consider. My life has always gone through big leaps for change, nothing was ever gradual. Breaking every meaningless bond as I have made these changes. Maybe that is what I need to do. I wouldn’t get such a quick response to my complaining in prayer if it wasn’t important.

I have questioned God several times for why I had to go through everything I have been through, I have found myself turned away from Him because I couldn’t justify fate.

But I know now He has a plan, and I will only truly understand the reason for everything I got and didn’t get, reason for every person who passed me by… when I reach the end of my life. For now, I explore this opportunity He has knocking on my door, and see what it’s all about.

A Beautiful Day… Well, Almost

14 Mar

It must be the nicest weather this year so far today. For the first time, the sunshine wasn’t deceiving. A good 21 Celsius. Perfect to go out do that little bit of grocery shopping I needed to get done.

Oh well, the walk was pleasant. Happy people everywhere. Smiles and hellos in the air – a little puppy came up to me to say hello too! Cutie! It was an adorable moment.

Got my shopping done, started to make my way back. That is when, well… those chirpy birds and butterflies in my head disappeared.

Halfway through, when I had gotten off the busy street, there was a car slowing down next to me. Yeah, to park or wait or whatever. Next thing I realize, it is actually not stopping where it initially slowed down. It was moving along with me! I turned to look for a second – it was young man, probably mid 20s or so, looking right at me.

Took off my earphones, shook my head, “what?

Him with a creepy ass smile on his face: “Wanna get in my car?

HUH?!

Blood boil. Considering I wasn’t out there in heels, fishnets, booty shorts, OR ANYTHING SCREAMING PICK-ABLE OFF THE STREET!! 

I just turned away, started walking back. Holding back my anger. The guy didn’t stop. He kept driving beside me. Calling out. Okay, now the anger turned into fear. There was nowhere to turn. He wasn’t going to stop.

I do what I do every time I am scared – I hysterically started praying under my breath. Walked faster. There was a shopping center at the end of the next block – I could make it. Eh?

Oh well, prayer in need never fails. In the next minute, he drove away. Sped away more like it.

Miracle.

I rushed home. I don’t know where exactly he started and how long he was following me, I am the kind lost in my own world when I am out walking, enjoying the weather. I don’t know if he could be a serial anything parading the neighborhood trying to get girls in his car.

*what I get for responding to strangers*

Inform authorities?

Well, for one, I don’t know. It could be random. I didn’t get his license plate or a look at the car.. which could be red… maroon… I don’t know, a shade in between. Anyone can escape a crime if I am the sole witness, sad fact.

And for two, my overprotective aunt – always thinking something bad will happen to me if I don’t stay on the busy streets – will forever bound me to the horrible indoors. I’d not complain if I had a cat up in here. I’d not want to go out myself then.

But for three, the most important and worst case scenario, I would be blamed for this almost-an-experience. I am not allowing myself to be blamed anymore when I am in victim situations. 5laas! It was broad daylight, it was my only way home I am familiar with that I have walked several hundred times by now, and I was dressed in jeans and a tee, Constable Michael Sanguinetti!!! Jeez.

Nothing happened. Just cautioned. I am safe. Thank you God.

My Views On Religion

6 Nov

I normally avoid such conversations, for obvious reasons, and I for one avoid creating conflicts.

Nevertheless:

I believe there is a God, I believe in life after death, and I believe in Heaven and Hell. Why? If there’s any humanity left in this world, any civility, any good people with any moral values, it’s because they were raised with faith. It’s religion that teaches manners in the first place. If it wasn’t for heaven and hell, there would be no fear of right or wrong. There would be no reason for guilt or empathy. There would be no judge of justice.

The existence of life, outer space, and even evil – something must have put it there. If it all was a result of some chemical reaction, well, something must have caused it. It’s religion that explains the unexplainable.

I am no expert in religion, nor do I observe it strictly or as often as I should. But I know it’s something I turn to when times get tough instead of sitting back and complaining about life all the time.

P.S.: I am not imposing my views on religion on anyone in any manner. I believe everyone has the right to practice what they believe is right, and there’s no need of preaching your religion to those of a different faith or no faith at all. We all have our reasons for what we think, and everything here is just what I think. #duh