Tag Archives: growing up

Once Upon A Decade

1 Jul

21, 21
Amateur legal, ready to be the girl who “just wanna have fun”

22, 22
So young, fresh graduate, thrown into the world brand new

23, 23
Living simply, no ties, oh how she loved being so free

24, 24
She realized she wasn’t enough, she needed to be more

25, 25
Imagined she would have a thriving career and maybe even be a loving wife

26, 26
There just never seems to be enough vodka in her cocktail mix

27, 27
If she were to die now, would she even be going to heaven

28, 28
Is it now time to find true love, or is she too late

29, 29
All she wishes is to go back in history, rewind

30, 30
She thought she would have it all by now; reality check decade gone still completely empty.

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Ridiculous Mistake

28 Jun

Ridiculous Mistake

Yeah, I am absolutely in love with the show, and the quotes that are just so easy to relate to.

But maybe, like I always plan but never seem to follow through, maybe this time what I am upto, won’t lead to any disastrous mistakes. If what I am upto isn’t a mistake all on its own.

Maybe all I need is to have a little more faith in myself, but since I always seem to let myself down one way or the other, that is always hard to do. The several attempts I make to be more grown up, it all seems to keep failing.

But life is changing, drastically for that matter. Grown-up decisions need to be made, and I need to make them all by myself too. Then again, since I only seem to make poor decisions when it comes to myself and really good decisions when it comes to someone else, I am going to treat myself like a third person.

#survival

Naive Candour

31 May

That’s what they call me. They tell me I don’t understand the way world works, and by the time they are done with me, I’d have no trace of innocence left in me. And that is when I will begin to see things for how they really are.

I get picked on for whenever I state something, and get reminded the world is too cruel and I have yet to see that part. I mean, I am no stranger to the evil that exists out there, but I always believed, I guess, just because I had one bad experience, it probably won’t repeat.

I mean, for sure, I would like to see what the people of the world are like. I would like to get inside the heads of those around me to know what it is they think, what it is they are plotting. Skeptical, I am. But the fact that I give more than the average acceptable number of people the benefit of the doubt, I am creating my very own road down to the middle of the earth’s core.

They perceive me to be more naive than I imagined myself to be.┬áIt’s about time for me to grow up under much thicker skin I guess. To understand the difference between genuine and lie, to tell a jersey shore douchebag from a gentleman, to know who intends to walk over me and who intends to guide me down the right path.

After all,

Cynicism is full of naive disappointments.

Don’t Tell Me Our Youth Is Running Out, It’s Only Just Begun

27 Apr

Yeah, so it’s my birthday. The odd age of 23. Where I probably can’t even achieve any special milestone I will remember this coming year for.

I have been all excited and stuff, but the minute I realized it’s past midnight, something came over me. And the next thing I know, while I am sitting texting friends and looking at my facebook wall getting filled with birthday wishes, I am crying. Crying uncontrollably.

I couldn’t understand why, really. All my past recent birthdays flashed in front of me, oh howww bad I miss being with my college family! I miss the midnight hugs and cheers, I miss the surprises I got, hearing from friends I don’t hear from all year long, being able to laugh so hard my tummy hurt… It’s all so far behind me.

Growing up, yes. Tell myself just another day, yes. But do I want it to be just another day? No. I want it to be my day, I want to be around people who don’t even have to try to make it fun for me, them being there does it. I want to be around people who accept me for all that I am, the way I am, and it’s easy to be me around them too.

Yes, I have made several changes to my lifestyle this year. I have given up habits I was never really too proud of having, I am focused on being a better person. But, the tears that I cried for the whole first hour of my birthday, I realize it’s less the things I did to celebrate, but more the people I celebrated with that I miss so much.

I just wish I could have had this weekend off, so I could have went back to Michigan and seen everyone. We could have just sat in one room and would have had the best time doing nothing at all because that is what it had always been like with them.

What do I feel on this day? Lonely. I know I’m not alone, I am far from it. I have constant support from my best friends, even though it’s from continents away. They are all an instant message away, and I don’t have to wait more than 10 seconds for them to get back to me. I could probably keep my cellphone away and start trying to build relationships with people around me, but I have forever been extremely selective of people I let into my life. I choose to bond with a few people, it’s nothing to them. It’s just my personal comfort level and I still don’t know reasons why I am comfortable with someone at all.

What will become of this birthday? Few phone calls from the dearest, facebook and twitter going off, spending half my day at work, and so far undecided as to what I truly want to do after. If wishes were to come true, I would want to be either back with my college family or my girls back in Saudi Arabia, either living like there is no tomorrow or having a quiet, comforting bonding time.

Either way, blessed to be alive. Make 23 count now. Lay off the burgers.