Tag Archives: lonely


17 Feb

Night befalls

Your absence

Still Lingers

My Hopelessness

Still persists.


Cuz Women Don’t Matter

24 Oct

You know the moment when you’re so furious you feel yourself tremble, trying to contain the blood boil? Yeah, that’s me at this moment. Having a boring day at work, and I decided to flip through news headlines on my phone, and I don’t know if I regret going through it, or am glad I actually did so I learn. So I am going to go ahead and aplogize in advance for all typos if they do happen.

I know I am a feminist, but for a quite simple reason. I am not going to sit back and accept whatever violence towards or ridiculous assumptions about women are taking place. First, I read about the second Pakistani girl, an education rights advocate, and 17 at that, who is receiving death threats. The teacher who was shot down for supporting these girls. And of course, the hospitalized 14 year old.

I don’t even know where to begin and where to end about it. Who really needs education in Pakistan and Afghanistan are the men who kill these women in the name of Islam, in the name of honour killing. And, they need to be educated about their own religion to begin with. For one, Islam does not recognize honour killing. Second, Islam has ordered all men and ALL WOMEN to seek all the education they are capable of. And to travel to the other side of the world if need be for the sole purpose of education. I mean, how big of a roadblock do they have installed in their brains to get this simple message across?

Then, I read about the pay gaps that are still very consisently existing in today’s society and that enraged me even more. I mean, I know. I am living it. I can see what I am making for the degree I have, and the job I am working too. And by the looks of it, it isn’t going to get any better. I observe the ratio of praised men and praised women. And, they still think it is funny.

Can you explain why you are paying women less? Because you cannot rely on them because they get pregnant? Well, then control your own ejaculation-provoking hormones and stop getting them pregnant. Oh well, this means men definitely don’t care they just had a son or a daughter and have no interest in raising their newborns.

Then of course, came the support for violence towards women. Prove you’re raped, or your benfits will decrease. So I assume the ones who passed the bill have previously assaulted a woman in their younger – or even current – years and think it is still fun and very much an irrelevant concern when the ECONOMY IS IN SO-CALLED DUMP!!!

Oh, I just had to save the best for the last. So guess what? Now they say hormones, what stage a woman is on her menstural cycle, determines who they are going to vote for. Oh, and amazingly, too, single and childless women are more likely to vote differently than married women. Just because, you know, they are more depressed.

Not that I am interested much in politics, except when I find every reason I should hate it because of how it tends to be as ridiculous as airing a reality show like Jersey Shore, but when it comes to generalizing voting habits according to race, gender, social status, and other stuff, I have a serious tendency to become speechlessly furious. I mean, seriously?

Since there is not much to research on, let’s just throw a mainstream stereotypical view of women and somehow get it to be credible, just because. I don’t know if the hysteria treatment for women in the past is worse than these conclusions. Give a woman an orgasm, and she will calm down?

What about doing the same for men? Because they are so violent and have raging hormones? Why don’t they get masturbated in doctors’ offices with a mechanical hand? Just to calm them down? Or for the same purpose it was done so to women – to undermine them, to prove that hormones control a woman’s thoughts and actions?!?!?!

And, what’s even worse, so many women who will read this will be like “oh, so I guess I was my sexiest when I casted my vote for Obama!” There are so many objectifying, degrading generalizations about women out there thanks to centuries of suppression of women that I wonder how effective would a wisdom revolution now really be.

I am a woman. I am the same amount of happy single or in a relationship. My sense of feeling sexy comes from feeling confident which comes from how successful I feel each day of my life. I know childless women who are extremely happy, and I know women with children who are depressed out to the max. Being single, being married, having a child, not having a child, no matter what the age, will never have any happy/sad effect on me.

So to the men of this world: instead of coming up with chauvinist conclusions about women based on data collected from researching soap-opera-watching-women-who-lack-a-mind-of-their-own, go do something more productive with your lives. Like you know, grow up!!! Stop being the person who has nothing special about him so has to undermine others to feel superior. Jerks.

Alone, Probably. Lonely, Definitely Not

26 Jul

I have had quite a few people ask me these past couple of days if I feel odd being alone. I don’t. I love it. They give me a weird look like I must definitely be a little out of my mind, or someone who needs help. I am finally getting three straight days off of work, and I was like I will stay in and catch up on sleep and probably bring up chores – to which I get a face again. 

So I don’t know what’s the big deal. I enjoy people’s company when I am around them, but all day in a crowd… yeah now, that is suffocating. My mind is too busy to have that much time away from it lost in the midst of conversations.

I could be mostly considered an extrovert, but I am a highly private person. While I am all ears when people vent out and open up, there isn’t much they know about me. I vent out only the stuff that least matters to me. After all, trusting people and the intentions they have for me, I am better off keeping that distance before peer pressure takes over.

Walking on the streets alone – love. Riding the train alone – love. Shopping alone – love. Eating alone – love. Coming home alone – love. Being able to unwind alone – love. I enjoy my own company way more than that of most people I know.

And even though I say I am alone, I don’t feel lonely. I don’t feel sad being away from the friends who truly know me, I don’t feel emptiness not having a special someone, I am free from feeling obligated to be considerate towards others expectations of my daily routine – bedtime when I want, wake up when I want, stay in the shower as long as I please, leave my purse in the living room if I want to, dishes left to soak all night so they are easier to wash in the morning…. it’s my little heaven.

Before You Question God

2 Jun

When you are hurt by the people who share blood relations with you, recall Yusuf [AS] who was also betrayed by his brothers.

When you find your parents opposing you (in deen) recall Ibraheem [AS] who was made to jump into a blazing fire by his father.

When you are mocked and abused by your own relatives just because you adopted deen over duniya, recall Rasul Allah [SAWW] who faced the same.

When you are stuck in some problem and find no way out recall Yunus [AS] who was stuck inside the belly of a whale.

When you fall ill and your whole body cries with pain, recall Ayoob [AS] who was more ill than you.

When you feel lonely recall how Adam [AS] felt when he was created alone at first.

When you can’t see any logic in what’s going on and your heart asks why this is happening, recall Nooh [AS] who built the biggest ship without questioning.


Who’s Gonna Cry For You

14 May

Forever and ever, life is now or never
Forever never comes around
People love and let go
Forever and ever, life is now or never
Forever’s gonna slow you down.

Well, thanks Pandora for bringing this song back into my life. Not so hard to relate to.

Don’t Tell Me Our Youth Is Running Out, It’s Only Just Begun

27 Apr

Yeah, so it’s my birthday. The odd age of 23. Where I probably can’t even achieve any special milestone I will remember this coming year for.

I have been all excited and stuff, but the minute I realized it’s past midnight, something came over me. And the next thing I know, while I am sitting texting friends and looking at my facebook wall getting filled with birthday wishes, I am crying. Crying uncontrollably.

I couldn’t understand why, really. All my past recent birthdays flashed in front of me, oh howww bad I miss being with my college family! I miss the midnight hugs and cheers, I miss the surprises I got, hearing from friends I don’t hear from all year long, being able to laugh so hard my tummy hurt… It’s all so far behind me.

Growing up, yes. Tell myself just another day, yes. But do I want it to be just another day? No. I want it to be my day, I want to be around people who don’t even have to try to make it fun for me, them being there does it. I want to be around people who accept me for all that I am, the way I am, and it’s easy to be me around them too.

Yes, I have made several changes to my lifestyle this year. I have given up habits I was never really too proud of having, I am focused on being a better person. But, the tears that I cried for the whole first hour of my birthday, I realize it’s less the things I did to celebrate, but more the people I celebrated with that I miss so much.

I just wish I could have had this weekend off, so I could have went back to Michigan and seen everyone. We could have just sat in one room and would have had the best time doing nothing at all because that is what it had always been like with them.

What do I feel on this day? Lonely. I know I’m not alone, I am far from it. I have constant support from my best friends, even though it’s from continents away. They are all an instant message away, and I don’t have to wait more than 10 seconds for them to get back to me. I could probably keep my cellphone away and start trying to build relationships with people around me, but I have forever been extremely selective of people I let into my life. I choose to bond with a few people, it’s nothing to them. It’s just my personal comfort level and I still don’t know reasons why I am comfortable with someone at all.

What will become of this birthday? Few phone calls from the dearest, facebook and twitter going off, spending half my day at work, and so far undecided as to what I truly want to do after. If wishes were to come true, I would want to be either back with my college family or my girls back in Saudi Arabia, either living like there is no tomorrow or having a quiet, comforting bonding time.

Either way, blessed to be alive. Make 23 count now. Lay off the burgers.