Tag Archives: men

Spread Awareness, Get Attention

30 May

I don’t just get asked out on social networks, I also get marriage proposals.

And 100% of the time, they follow after I have expressed my opinions and standings about a particular issue ever so relentlessly. Be it concerning women’s rights, or my religion, or human rights, or war.

When I reposted a picture of the damn Gangnam style happening at UN while people are dying everywhere, an internet friend showed curiosity in me and said his mother always told him to find a girl like me.

When I said something about feminism, I was actually pleasantly surprised to find support from men, but that lead to comments like pretty little girl with a big mind is kind of really sexy.

When I quoted Malcolm X and Muhammad Ali to educate about my religion, I got told by guys they like my brain and that we should just get married.

And so on.

I am doing what I am care about, I am doing what I find meaning in doing – learning and repeating the truth. Playing my little part the best way I am able to do now. I am not doing it for the kind of interest men end up showing. I will accept respect, appreciation, admiration, approval, even debates if need be.

However, refrain from hitting on me, and sexualizing me. Women are not asking for it when they set out to do what they wanted to. Sure, we want to be recognized and accepted by a suitor for being more than just a face and a body. But there is a decent manner to ask someone out if you admire them for who they are. Objectification and flirty comments is not one of them. Stop making women feel like it is extraordinary they are speaking up for human rights – it is every human’s job to do that, not a man’s or a woman’s.

Show more skin, show less brain – be objectified.

Show less skin, use more brain – be objectified.

There is no escape. It is true when someone said it is being done and isn’t just happening. No matter what women do, there is always harassment around the corner – and when we retaliate, we are labelled crazy.

Way to go, world. Way to go.

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Fine Line Between Love and Appreciate

4 May

“Guys like girls they can control. That’s not you. Which is a good thing. For me.” – J

That is what J, my now ex, said. We were talking about it is time to move on, and how I just do not see myself back in the dating world, for reasons I explained in my previous post.

I find it baffling how quickly men change after you leave them. They are suddenly filled with a whole lot of appreciation of who you are – at least, in my case, it has been unquestionably true.

Where he disapproved of how I never listened to him and did what I wanted to, he now appreciates my headstrong opinions and says he respects my courage to fight in whatever way I can for what I believe is right. I’m one of the bravest people he says he has ever met. He has gained respect for me – he has actually finally understood who I am.

I wonder, where was this man all the while we dated? Why was I made to feel like the culprit in this relationship all this time? Why could he not appreciate me while I was still in his life as a lover? Why did I have to walk out for some sense to be knocked into him? Why was I ever taken for granted to such a degree? Is it really true, that you do not realize a good thing till it’s gone? Maybe that just means the good thing should remain gone, so you learn to appreciate the replacement.

In this light, it becomes clearer to me how all my guy friends view me – I have received nothing but respect from them. They all have had several debates with me about different issues, and they have always valued my opinions and insisted on hearing them. In return, I listened to their views and understood their interpretations and learned from them. They challenged me to bring out my fire, not to undermine me. And that, I have only received from guys strictly in friend zone – and from few who showed that respect to try to date me; or get in my pants, whichever way it works.

However, this appreciation lacked in all my relationships. It made me evaluate how these relationships were different than friendships – and I came to a conclusion: I probably let them “feel like a man” when I decided to be nice under socially acceptable norms for a woman. You know, when you do little favors for them, that boost their ego to the sky. I let them state their views before I stated mine, and when I started to state mine first, I came off as a relentless bitch.

Or, maybe, it is not even me. As J said several times since we broke up, he had never met a all-in-one girl like me, and now I have left him in great difficulty trying to find someone as remotely comparable to who I am. In his head, I was the trophy. He felt a sense of accomplishment calling me his own – his mother couldn’t keep her eyes off me, his friends were like ‘wow’, strangers passing us by would stop to compliment me, and go on to tell him his girl is very pretty. [Very confidence-boosting especially when I left the house every other day cursing the mirror because I did not like what it showed me.] He became deluded and treated me like an object. My voice became unacceptable – and, it all came crashing down to realizing I was a human being when I was not “his” anymore. I was not a puppet anymore.

Does this mean I will go back to him? Likely, no. I do not want to have to leave or threaten to leave to be appreciated. It won’t change the fact I had once felt miserably treated, and statistics can prove I will go through the same upon returning. After all, isn’t insanity defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?

Yeah, no, thank you. I am not trading respect and appreciation for puppetry love. Never again. I pray to God that when He does send another man in my life, let him fall in love with my mind first, before he falls in love with what is visible to the eye. But please do let him fall in love with what meets the eye, too. It helps my shaky confidence unconditionally. Amen.

Cuz Women Don’t Matter

24 Oct

You know the moment when you’re so furious you feel yourself tremble, trying to contain the blood boil? Yeah, that’s me at this moment. Having a boring day at work, and I decided to flip through news headlines on my phone, and I don’t know if I regret going through it, or am glad I actually did so I learn. So I am going to go ahead and aplogize in advance for all typos if they do happen.

I know I am a feminist, but for a quite simple reason. I am not going to sit back and accept whatever violence towards or ridiculous assumptions about women are taking place. First, I read about the second Pakistani girl, an education rights advocate, and 17 at that, who is receiving death threats. The teacher who was shot down for supporting these girls. And of course, the hospitalized 14 year old.

I don’t even know where to begin and where to end about it. Who really needs education in Pakistan and Afghanistan are the men who kill these women in the name of Islam, in the name of honour killing. And, they need to be educated about their own religion to begin with. For one, Islam does not recognize honour killing. Second, Islam has ordered all men and ALL WOMEN to seek all the education they are capable of. And to travel to the other side of the world if need be for the sole purpose of education. I mean, how big of a roadblock do they have installed in their brains to get this simple message across?

Then, I read about the pay gaps that are still very consisently existing in today’s society and that enraged me even more. I mean, I know. I am living it. I can see what I am making for the degree I have, and the job I am working too. And by the looks of it, it isn’t going to get any better. I observe the ratio of praised men and praised women. And, they still think it is funny.

Can you explain why you are paying women less? Because you cannot rely on them because they get pregnant? Well, then control your own ejaculation-provoking hormones and stop getting them pregnant. Oh well, this means men definitely don’t care they just had a son or a daughter and have no interest in raising their newborns.

Then of course, came the support for violence towards women. Prove you’re raped, or your benfits will decrease. So I assume the ones who passed the bill have previously assaulted a woman in their younger – or even current – years and think it is still fun and very much an irrelevant concern when the ECONOMY IS IN SO-CALLED DUMP!!!

Oh, I just had to save the best for the last. So guess what? Now they say hormones, what stage a woman is on her menstural cycle, determines who they are going to vote for. Oh, and amazingly, too, single and childless women are more likely to vote differently than married women. Just because, you know, they are more depressed.

Not that I am interested much in politics, except when I find every reason I should hate it because of how it tends to be as ridiculous as airing a reality show like Jersey Shore, but when it comes to generalizing voting habits according to race, gender, social status, and other stuff, I have a serious tendency to become speechlessly furious. I mean, seriously?

Since there is not much to research on, let’s just throw a mainstream stereotypical view of women and somehow get it to be credible, just because. I don’t know if the hysteria treatment for women in the past is worse than these conclusions. Give a woman an orgasm, and she will calm down?

What about doing the same for men? Because they are so violent and have raging hormones? Why don’t they get masturbated in doctors’ offices with a mechanical hand? Just to calm them down? Or for the same purpose it was done so to women – to undermine them, to prove that hormones control a woman’s thoughts and actions?!?!?!

And, what’s even worse, so many women who will read this will be like “oh, so I guess I was my sexiest when I casted my vote for Obama!” There are so many objectifying, degrading generalizations about women out there thanks to centuries of suppression of women that I wonder how effective would a wisdom revolution now really be.

I am a woman. I am the same amount of happy single or in a relationship. My sense of feeling sexy comes from feeling confident which comes from how successful I feel each day of my life. I know childless women who are extremely happy, and I know women with children who are depressed out to the max. Being single, being married, having a child, not having a child, no matter what the age, will never have any happy/sad effect on me.

So to the men of this world: instead of coming up with chauvinist conclusions about women based on data collected from researching soap-opera-watching-women-who-lack-a-mind-of-their-own, go do something more productive with your lives. Like you know, grow up!!! Stop being the person who has nothing special about him so has to undermine others to feel superior. Jerks.

All The Suffering, For What?

4 Sep

I got sent home early from work today. Because I was too sick. Sick because of my period cramps. Happens every month, and every month I feel like death is upon me, or should be upon me because staying alive through this suffering is like hell on earth. Every single time, I find myself whine about how I am definitely going and getting my ovaries or uterus removed because I cannot live like this.

Trust me, the pain is horrible. I can’t stand up, I can’t sit down, I can’t even lie down in bed and feel comfortable. To top it all, I most of the time find myself throwing up, sweating and shivering at the same time. And go on for hours feeling that way. No amount of Midol seems to help. I overdose on those painkillers and nothing happens. I dread I have become immune to them. I hold hot water bottles against me but they turn cold before they even start to relieve me.

And, again, this time very seriously, I question myself. I question God. WHYYYYY!!!! If it wasn’t enough to have our hoohas explode to pop out babies who are going to be a moment’s joy and a lifetime of disappointment, we have to bleed all our lives and we have to hurt while bleeding.

Okay, so in return for all that we suffer now, we are promised no suffering in Heaven. Fair enough. But why suffer in the first place anyways?! To go to Heaven where we will have to share our husbands we love so much with 72 virgins who we are supposed to enjoy watching being violated by the man I am married to? Yeah, it requires women to be heartless, but they were not made that way, so just had to put insane amounts of heart towards being heartless to eventually avoid going insane themselves.

I mean, okay, so women are promised everlasting beauty in Heaven, but what is the use if it fails to keep a man’s mind and heart all to ourselves? Don’t men get the easy way out on earth and in heaven? They can have four wives here under certain circumstances, 72 virgins in heaven, it’s never a dull moment for them. It’s not even so hard for them anyways because they are born with no heart, and only think with their wing-wangs.

If it’s ultimate happiness in Heaven, I guess it could only mean that women there are going to have no heart, no feelings, no sense of what love is. They are going to be too absorbed in themselves to worry about anything else. Which would be considered narcissistic and selfish in this life. Basically, women in Heaven are going to have to be ignorant to be happy.

And then, women are called bitter. I guess we are bitter for a reason. There is no win for us, no matter what. If we hurt when all these questions pop in our minds, we are probably shunned away for feeling this way. We get told it’s the Devil that is making us think like that. So I wonder, why were we made sensitive and emotionally weaker than men if we had to do the suffering and not them? We should have just been machines, who without any sense of right and wrong obey whatever command is given to us without question. Which a lot of women do, but they do while still breaking into pieces on the inside. I would not question anything then.

Upon research, all scholars have to say is temptations are higher for men than for women in this life. If he acts upon even a teeny bit upon those urges, he loses the 72 virgins, along with other levels of punishments. But if a woman acts upon those urges, she is shamed throughout her life on Earth, and well had nothing like 72 virgins for herself to lose, so just goes on to eternal torment in the afterlife.

I mean, it doesn’t mean I am going to turn away from my religion. I know Islam grants women more rights than other religions grant women, but even though it says equality, there is still several levels of inequality. If we were naturally programmed to not notice the inequality, I could say the world would be a better place for us. If we were born with the innate fetish of sharing our men, of being sadomasochistic enough to enjoy deathly cramps and labor pains, I would call it equality then. If we were supposed to live being treated as objects – whether it is sex objects or objects of affection – we should just not have been given the curse of feelings. We should have been made immune to pain. We should have been made immune to heartbreaks. If sexual temptations were greater for men, then for acting upon them, suffering for them should have been greater. Losing their virginity should have been painful, they should have carried the unborn child so they learn responsibility, they should have not been promised four wives and seventy-two virgins.

What message is that supposed to send to us women? That we are so easily irreplaceable, we are not enough, and we should just whore ourselves out because that is all we are worth in the end?

Are We Thinking With Logic Or Feelings?

4 Jun

A slow Sunday for business brought me and my coworkers to a pretty heated discussion about what they perceive to be the mistakes women make when it comes to dating and finding the one, why they always prefer the douchebag over someone comparably nicer, and why they are always so hung up over one.

My friend’s theory was pretty simple: women follow their heart way too much. They seek that emotional and physical connection way too much. They need to feel the attraction, the dude has to meet the criteria they have set for their soulmate. And when they feel the attraction and the connection, even when he doesn’t meet the criteria and they are able to admit their significant other is an asshole, they will continue to be with him. They will continue to hold on to their feelings.

To him, if women used logic, they wouldn’t say no to a date without meeting a person and figure out things along the way. And the moment they felt uncared for and disrespected by someone, they would leave him. If another guy is nice, marriage-material, with potential to be a good father, they would pursue a relationship with him. And the attraction and everything will follow. Very much similar to the phenomenon of arranged marriages, which have the lowest rate of failure.

When it came to putting light on my dating life, where I say I don’t need a man to take care of me, where I can do it by myself, it all came down to him concluding I can say that because I am 23. He told me about this girl he knows who was me when she was my age. And now nearly 30, she is finding herself in tears, wishing she could be married, wishing she could have a child. Feeling like it’s so late for her now.

Needless to say, the end of the conversation pretty much found me in tears. I can’t completely disagree with what he said, I mean of course, we as women are always going to follow our heart. We are basically taught to find that emotional connection, we want to be wow’ed by the one we are with. We follow the GIFs and quotes that tell us to be with someone we cannot live without than with someone we can live with. I understand when my other friend said we humans now are way too programmed by media – it teaches us how to think, how to feel, and that is the only right way.

I mean, I don’t even necessarily find myself anywhere there, except yeah, I would like to be with someone who gets me, and I will make the mistake of saying it’s because that helps me feel the connection with them. It all came down to why I am refusing to go out with the guys they want to introduce me to, to why I completely lost interest in someone who I was just starting to get to know because one thing he did was too Jersey Shore for me…

We all try to fight the idea of settling down, we keep running, exploring to find more – the perfect something that is exactly something that meets our set criteria. But what if there is nothing more out there? What if, even if it is there, it’s not meant to be yours? What if that person who you feel so deeply for is unable to feel anything back for you? What if you are not their type?

My only defense to it was, I don’t want anyone to like me if I am unable to like them back. I don’t want them to feel a connection, to feel happy with me – I don’t want to mean anything to anyone who I am unable to let grow into someone who would mean a lot to me, too. In the end, I am not a robot, I am a human and I am capable of thinking and feeling, and being honest with myself would be to acknowledge this as a trait I cannot change.

Yes, well, thinking with feelings again, but where I would disagree with my friend, is that there is logic behind those feelings. And the only place I would not be using logic behind my feelings would be when I am finding myself hung up over someone who couldn’t give two shits about me. Which, well… basically, is the mistake majority of the women out there are making.

Word of Advice

3 Jun

So in their attempt to shove reality of dating in my face, this is what my boys at work tell me:

“So everytime a dude approaches you, offering you something, like ‘you want a ride home?’ or ‘you wanna go smoke sheesha?’ or ‘you wanna go out for dinner?’ he is offering you his penis.”

Now with that advice, yeah I can believe every dude will only want me for my body. Not that it’s been any different but it’s not a reality I wanted to believe.

But oh well. Always good to have honest guy friends.

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Cynical Conclusions

1 Jun

“I think we have to act like assholes from now on so we can find an awesome guy. I think that’s the problem, it’s either them or us. We must act moody, mean and all. i know it’s easy to say but we need to need to take some mean girl classes because we are so nice and all, cuz we either get assholes or some weird guys.”

I woke up highly amused by this random message from my best friend. The irony made me smile.

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Scuzi Moi

30 May

You know life couldn’t possibly leave you more speechless than when a 29 year old, pretty damn ripped, in the midst of kissing you, lifts up his shirt to show you his 6-pac, smirks, and says, “you like, eh?”

Uh, ARE YOU KIDDING MEEE???!!! Hello and goodbye. S.M.H.!

The Humour Of Dating 2012

24 May

Wake up from an awesome nap after couple of errands of survival shopping, check Twitter trends, and burst out laughing.

  • lies men tell women
  • don’t trust a guy
  • don’t go for a guy

How in tune could the people of the world be with my mind? Scary.

Just last night, I skyped for an hour with my college best friend, catching up, and basically for the most part, rolling our eyes and laughing about our dating life.

It’s like the two of us are stuck in scene 2 of a chick flick, with scene 1 obviously being the introduction of a young woman. And scene 2 being the arrival of a man [or two or four even] who makes the woman want to bang her head into a wall screaming “are you fudging kidding me??

My friend and I, we both moved out to different states after college, much bigger cities, and in the 6 months we have been out, we have seen and felt no considerable change in that aspect of life. So we can’t even reassure each other with “life will be better where I am, so just come live with me.”

It’s like we have seen each and every single trick in the book, gone through every type of dude-personality, and we still end up on Skype with chocolates and ice-cream and wine and tea, going over our experiences with each guy, and laughing hysterically that no matter where you find him, no matter what stage of his life you find him at, no matter how he talks or what he believes, no matter how many years you have known him or how well, there is no such thing as different.

We laughed as we tried to analyze ourselves and why we always end up as the rebound chick or the unaware home-wrecker. What’s even funnier is that the two of us are very different type of girls.

She is the sweet, trusting girl, seeking her tall, dark and handsome Prince Charming all the time to have her happily ever after with. Possibly with all the good looks and a big bank and an awesome career. She is too honest and open about her feelings, sometimes too blunt, mostly a damsel in distress, wanting to be swept away. And losing her heart to the littlest act of kindness from a man, because well, it is assumed if he is nice once he must be someone exceptional.

I am more on the skeptical side, with a that-don’t-impress-me type of attitude, icebox for a heart sometimes, barely ever open up about what I feel if I feel anything at all, way too independent emotionally and mentally to ever give a man the satisfaction of being needed. I be damned if I can’t do it all by myself. No Charming for me, I want a Shrek who would go through all hurdles, if need EVER be, to rescue me like a proper freaking hero should, and stop at nothing.

And even while we go through life travelling on opposite ends of the spectrum, we run into one and the same thing. Okay, so it’s not like we avoided travelling in the middle either. And yet, they all wanted the same thing. But I absolutely adore the way my friend tells her stories and how she goes into describing each and every detail of the situation. I love how she put it though – whether he’s gorgeous or ugly, super smart or a total airhead, millionaire or broke as hell, a saint or the devil himself, their expectations are all the same. At least when it comes to us.

But in this time and age, like Lilly Allen sings, you cannot expect anything else either. You just have to remember the story of your life isn’t over as of yet. Even when you’re 30. Society can say what they want. It is the reason people exist – to comment and criticize you about everything.

To me, I know it would make no difference since I have a plan for whatever direction my life is going to go towards. A plan for what to do if I end up rich or poor, a plan for what to do if I end up staying in this country or moving to another, a plan if I am in a steady relationship or all by myself, a plan if I marry the perfect guy or an asshole I have to get rid of – I am pretty much set.

If I am at all worried, it is for people like my friend who could possibly become too bitter when reality hits them and their innocence is gone. I mean, it shouldn’t be too bad. It’ll be another reason to have a party over Skype, maybe with patron instead of wine. Lol.

Karma At Work

15 Mar

First thought that crossed my mind the minute I heard the news this man had a heart attack, and has been in the hospital for almost a week now: karma.

A man is in critical condition and that is what I say? Well, I don’t feel sorry for him. He had it coming. The pain he had put his wife through for several years before kicking her out, and for how she has been struggling since then, losing her mind trying to start over, walking with her head held high even though anyone who is smart enough can see she is all broken inside… He deserved it.

He saved his reputation, he destroyed hers. He blamed her for things she never did, she remained quiet and silently dealt with it. Yeah, they were never able to have kids. But, the silver lining… There were no kids to see what class of an asshole their father is. Kicking a woman out well in her 50s, after suddenly having a sick fantasy of a younger prettier wife.

The demands he had… Pretty much fooled himself thinking he is looking at a movie star in the mirror, or thinking he’s one of those banks he’d be able to buy himself a golddigger. He was neither. He was just an ungrateful, selfish man who strayed from his responsibilities of a good husband, even a good honest human being, and called himself a devout religious man.

He is one of those people who I’d mentioned in one of my earlier posts, who marry for all the wrong reasons, particularly the one that disgusts me the most. He got married to this woman for his legal benefit, practically used her, abused her, destroyed her self-esteem, and left her to fend for herself.

And now he’s hanging between life and death. The scenario reminds me of “Diary of A Mad, Black Woman”. A great wife gets thrown out, all mad and broken as she starts to build her own life, and when the asshole is paralyzed like he was supposed to be, she returns to cater to him and brought him back to life. But at least stays wise enough to not return to start over again. She moves on to her happily ever after with a man who showed her what love is supposed to be.

Except that was a movie. She was young, there was her hero there. This is reality, however. This is a different culture altogether. There is no such thing as a hero, not without a miracle at least. There is society talking, always blaming the woman. This woman feels guilty now, torn, crying her heart out. They tell her to forgive and go see him, he needs her even if he says he doesn’t. She has never wished for anything bad for him, she calls it fate, says she has forgiven him, and hopes he is happy whatever he is doing with his life.

I understand her. I’ve never cursed anyone in my life, except for maybe, one person but it’s a whole different story. As for society, are you fucking kidding me!? No, he needs this to happen to him. He needs to learn from this, and go back chasing his hot wife fantasies. Good luck to him. I would like to see what dumb, desperate kind of a woman he is able to convince to marry him.

One of the things I strongly believe in because I have witnessed it happen so much is the wrath of a woman. Sometimes, movies is not the only place where justice is served. Life, if you open your eyes and observe, shows you little examples of rewards for the good and punishments for the wrong. And sometimes, you just have to believe there is a force greater than yourself that will make sure everything will be alright if your intentions are, too.

I don’t know about you, but I both observed and lived through a special kind of hell on earth for women, owned and run by a special class of men of course. Needless to say, I guess this is the reason why I always find myself in the lives of victims where I am giving it my all to try and make them want to keep on living. I can’t even complain – to be able to make a person smile through unbearable misery gives my life a sense of purpose I seem to be lacking lately.