Tag Archives: observation

Dating 2011 – Who Is To Blame?

30 Dec

Something happened yesterday that made me look back on what my crap-of-a-dating-life has been like this past year, and the pattern has been pretty consistent, unfortunately.

I was approached by several guys this year, it was kind of crazy. Okay, so I won’t be a total saint – I did enjoy the attention if it was coming from a fairly attractive male. Considering I have had been single for a couple of years now, I didn’t think flirting back was wrong… Until well, a little snooping around on Facebook and the word around town revealed almost all of these males were in relationships – some for a couple of months, while others for several years – in well-committed relationships!

That is when I took several steps back till I disappeared from the picture. Of course, my initial rants would revolve around how all men are pigs, how the only thing they know how to do right is be unfaithful, how they have no conscience… But let’s assume I have said it all.

I’d take a more humble approach and instead of maybe blaming it on all mankind, take a look at myself this time.

Why do all the men showing any romantic or sexual interest in me do so while they are in pretty healthy and happy relationships? Do I have “home-wrecking vamp” written all over my freaking forehead? My wardrobe is pretty decent; I’m known more as a sweetheart than a sex-pot, I smile big, tease less, state opinions explicitly, help my girls genuinely rather than secretly plot on destroying them. Nothing I do portrays me as the girl who is going to aid in breaking a home that could have been. Nothing about a person too nice means home-wrecker! Or a one time thing that’s going to aid them in escaping whatever they are trying to.

While some hid their relationship, others were pretty explicit about them, and still expected to have me one way or the other. And even others who expected me to try to steal them away and make them my own. I kind of refuse to believe all the three kinds assumed me to be a home-wrecker or a vamp or desperate or just plain stupid for that matter. I mean, when they are in such long-term relationships, why do they suddenly feel the need to ruin it by dragging me into it?

I cannot understand what vibe I ever gave off to them. Am I someone they always wanted on their “list”? Do they find some kind of comfort with me they have not found with the one they are with? Does my presence make them realize they have been with the wrong person and are just settling? Or is it just the thrill of the chase?

But if the answer does not lie within how I come off as a person, maybe I am just meant to attract all the wrong kinds of shots at love. Don’t get me wrong, I have no complaints or regrets or feelings of loneliness resulting from being single. Finding love is not one of my top priorities in life, at least not at this age when I am focused on building a career and nurturing my friendships. I leave that up to fate to work its course when it thinks it is right for me. In the meantime, I enjoy being on the dating scene for the mere purpose of observing and putting together “dating today” theories – and of course, entertainment for when other areas of life are not happening.

But when these potential partners do come up in my life, they come up relationshipstically damaged and incompetent. They are either looking for nothing but a fling, or expect me to steal them from some other woman. I’d have liked to tell you that these men only existed in college, but sadly, it prevails after that too.

The result of such experiences on the dating scene has left me with limited expectations of my future: single workaholic with a cat and maybe an adopted child, single having forbidden affairs and meaningless sex, or ending up as a trophy wife.

I’m not cynical about life – it’s everything I have experienced and observed and concluded my theories from. I am still a very optimistic person. Optmistic about men despite my dating life… Because I have some very sweet friend-zone guys in my life, and I also see my girls dating true gentlemen. I’m honestly happy for them, but I do admit… I keep fingers crossed they don’t turn into the kind of men that suddenly are tempted to cheat and find a girl who shares similar luck to me in this game of love.