Tag Archives: obstacles

Fullstops

2 Feb

Quit work without a notice. Had had it with the management. So just spending my first week out of work trying to get back some focus I seem to have lost.

Likely going to give amateur writing another shot, which used to come to me in tiny fragments while I stayed occupied at work. But I guess this is the time to focus on and dedicate 100% of the motivation within me towards what I want to eventually become. No rocks to lean on to survive, just pushing through all the way. That is, whenever I feel any motivation, I know I have to utilize it towards my ultimate goal. Which again, could be any of the several things that make me happy, not just satisfied.

I need to get out of this phase though first. This phase that has such a strong gravtitational pull I can actually feel my neck down inside the ground. It is all going to be better when I begin to realize where I need to stop being nice and start being a person. Which doesn’t seem to happen until I have received neural electrocution from people who sincerely care about me.

This is why I quit my job. I continued to be way too nice, putting myself last when it came to doing what was in the school’s best interest. When I said I have to leave, they didn’t let me. I was told to put up with it. And I did. Until there was nothing left for them to stomp on, and I decided to disappear without warning. Racism, disrespect, using and abusing, I think I am done ever working with Egyptians for a really long time to come (counter racism at its finest, ehh) 😒

Advertisements

The Building Blocks

22 Apr

A friend recently said that happiness is a facade. To me, it’s a state of mind I have reached and fallen out of for reasons I am unaware, at times when I should be feeling the opposite.

It’s like, when one area of my life starts playing out as smoothly as I wanted it, another obviously is not able to reach that stage, when I had just started with the perfect plan to get there.

So, well… I have been looking for my own place since God knows when. And now, I have all I need to be able to make that possible – the strongest reason being I live too far from where I work and the night commutes are not working out. But…!!! The day I find potential apartments and make plans to contact the places the next day, guess what I encounter?

Obstacles.

Not that these obstacles are my concern, not for most of the part anyways, but it’s my undefeatable instinct to show empathy is what gets in the way of having my world my way.

So all I am hoping is other miracles happen so I am not bound to be stuck here with someone who said and done what they did recently and have forever lost my concern for their situation.

Family is complicated. Well, at least I feel so. I have been on my own for so long now, I am unable to find myself fitting in at all. I feel obligated to build relationships and maintain contact with people I don’t even want to. I don’t want to share a piece of my day with them, but I am forced to try and make conversation.

All I know is, as I repeat to myself everyday, it’s not the end if things are not in place. There is so much beauty in imperfection, an overwhelming feeling of success after all the struggling to get to your destination. The best of things in life are going to come with time anyway, if they are meant to.

Such is my hope for me to be able to be me 24/7 without being moulded into something others desire of me. Guess I still have 7 more years to finally navigate myself onto the road I been wanting to travel down for so long, where I will be able to have those 5minutes of awareness that all areas of my life are just the way I had pictured them to be.