Tag Archives: romance

Sinister

21 Aug

You know what is
so sinisterly romantic
about him?

The abyss in his black eyes
that sucks you inside
to his soul,
so you can never live
separating your life from his.

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Love As We Know

13 Aug

Love as we know
Is a beautiful sunny day
Strange hands in each other
A pair of soft lips touching another

Love as we know
Is a beautiful starry night
When a sin couldn’t feel more right
When the feel of another’s skin brought the most delight

Love as we believe
Is a twinkle in the eyes
Is a peaceful smile
A connection of souls
That fulfills our hearts’ goals

Love as we like
Is of words that flow endlessly
Company we appreciate completely
Silence we sit in comfortably
Life we proceed to live thankfully

But what is the love we remember?
The one that walks away
One that after the glory, brings pain?
It brought remorse, it fed resent

What of the love
That believed lies for truth
That saw a lover’s letter on a dove
And saw nothing of the bad spell it flew in

Love as we remember
Is goodbye of everything that made sense
Is loneliness that left us incomplete
Is existence of happiness only in past tense
As we continue on the search for another time and place where we’ll meet

Till that day, my love
Love as I want, the love as I need
Will forever hide inside my heart
Its key lost in your touch

Love as I wish
A touch, a confession, a promise
A burning flame in my body
Waiting to be pleased
Will be at your command
Dying to be released.

Good, Better… Bitter.

11 Apr

Long-distance relationships… I’ve actually oddly enjoyed that idea. For one, and most important, you understand the value of communication. You understand if there is that connection you need to last a lifetime. You have time, and you have space to be your own person. It also tests your level of loyalty and commitment to each other.

However, if there were any problems that existed before distance came, those problems tend to magnify. And lately, that is what has been happening with me.

I am someone who needs to keep working on something. To find a solution to avoid any sudden bad surprises. As a business person, those qualities are highly desirable. Planning ahead, having an insight on areas that need continuous improvements. At the same time, I’m starting to doubt if those qualities are actually healthy in personal life.

I used to think yes. I used to think if we have a problem, we should speak up, clear the air and figure out a solution together. But then, you come across people who do not want to believe anything is wrong. Maybe because I was never able to say them earlier because either I did not not think the time was right, or because when I started to speak, I was shut quiet. Whatever the case, lately, it has been downhill. There were things I held inside too long, and they come rushing out now, and the timing is highly inappropriate. And even though I didn’t mean it to be harsh, more than anything I meant it to be apologetic, it came out as mean and angry. That’s the problem with written communication. We moved away from voice and video calls because his silence made it awkward and I couldn’t stop pointing out we need better communication. Texting kept us in a better state.

One thing led to another, and it got bitter. I tried apologizing for something I never did, he agreed and accused me further, making the apology harder. And then I exploded with frustration and he snapped to give him a break, and that was it.

I was never given the time to voice my concerns before. If I did, we wouldn’t be here. We are opposites, and I believed they attract. Where I tried to make sure we are not trying to hurt each other, he says it’s natural to get hurt so I can just deal with it.

Yeah, I did not even know what to do after that. Because I get angry rather than get hurt. I do not want to be the victim. I hate that spot, I’ll jump off and put the other there. There was only this much I could take, or wanted to take. I don’t know yet what our current state of silence means, but I do not know why I’m not so upset either. Something inside me makes me so cold towards feeling emotions it’s scary. I’m okay with whichever way this goes, because I’ve planned it both ways. And will plan a third way in 2 minutes it I have to.

It’s not a drama queen syndrome I’m suffering from either. If anything, it is give-a-chance syndrome that causes all the problems. I’m skeptical and cynical about dating, yet I go ahead with it, because finding a suitable mate is a genetic, primitively evolutionary desire. I stayed pleasantly surprised and loving it, and now it’s the stage where problems appear and need to be dealt with.

It all started last night when he said he feels we are living a fantasy, and I agreed. Maybe that is the reason why we are acting this way? It is in our subconscious and we do not want to deal with it? I’m addressing the problems I had always seen, he is able to say as many mean things to me as he wants to. I do not want to come to this.

But for now, it’s just best to give each other the space and silent treatment. I want a chance to feel I can miss him.

Video

You’re Gonna Love Again

2 Jun

Take a chance on a broken heart cuz we’re starting again
We gotta try even if it’s hard
Try baby to understand
To find a rainbow in every storm, you gotta believe.
Don’t ever doubt that you do belong now
Cuz it started with you, it started with me.

Hearts run right to the end
People come home you don’t need to be scared
Cuz you gonna love, you gonna love again.

Played on my iPod shuffle again last night, and reminded me again how much I loved it, now with a better opportunity to relate.

Love ❤

Dating 2011 – Who Is To Blame?

30 Dec

Something happened yesterday that made me look back on what my crap-of-a-dating-life has been like this past year, and the pattern has been pretty consistent, unfortunately.

I was approached by several guys this year, it was kind of crazy. Okay, so I won’t be a total saint – I did enjoy the attention if it was coming from a fairly attractive male. Considering I have had been single for a couple of years now, I didn’t think flirting back was wrong… Until well, a little snooping around on Facebook and the word around town revealed almost all of these males were in relationships – some for a couple of months, while others for several years – in well-committed relationships!

That is when I took several steps back till I disappeared from the picture. Of course, my initial rants would revolve around how all men are pigs, how the only thing they know how to do right is be unfaithful, how they have no conscience… But let’s assume I have said it all.

I’d take a more humble approach and instead of maybe blaming it on all mankind, take a look at myself this time.

Why do all the men showing any romantic or sexual interest in me do so while they are in pretty healthy and happy relationships? Do I have “home-wrecking vamp” written all over my freaking forehead? My wardrobe is pretty decent; I’m known more as a sweetheart than a sex-pot, I smile big, tease less, state opinions explicitly, help my girls genuinely rather than secretly plot on destroying them. Nothing I do portrays me as the girl who is going to aid in breaking a home that could have been. Nothing about a person too nice means home-wrecker! Or a one time thing that’s going to aid them in escaping whatever they are trying to.

While some hid their relationship, others were pretty explicit about them, and still expected to have me one way or the other. And even others who expected me to try to steal them away and make them my own. I kind of refuse to believe all the three kinds assumed me to be a home-wrecker or a vamp or desperate or just plain stupid for that matter. I mean, when they are in such long-term relationships, why do they suddenly feel the need to ruin it by dragging me into it?

I cannot understand what vibe I ever gave off to them. Am I someone they always wanted on their “list”? Do they find some kind of comfort with me they have not found with the one they are with? Does my presence make them realize they have been with the wrong person and are just settling? Or is it just the thrill of the chase?

But if the answer does not lie within how I come off as a person, maybe I am just meant to attract all the wrong kinds of shots at love. Don’t get me wrong, I have no complaints or regrets or feelings of loneliness resulting from being single. Finding love is not one of my top priorities in life, at least not at this age when I am focused on building a career and nurturing my friendships. I leave that up to fate to work its course when it thinks it is right for me. In the meantime, I enjoy being on the dating scene for the mere purpose of observing and putting together “dating today” theories – and of course, entertainment for when other areas of life are not happening.

But when these potential partners do come up in my life, they come up relationshipstically damaged and incompetent. They are either looking for nothing but a fling, or expect me to steal them from some other woman. I’d have liked to tell you that these men only existed in college, but sadly, it prevails after that too.

The result of such experiences on the dating scene has left me with limited expectations of my future: single workaholic with a cat and maybe an adopted child, single having forbidden affairs and meaningless sex, or ending up as a trophy wife.

I’m not cynical about life – it’s everything I have experienced and observed and concluded my theories from. I am still a very optimistic person. Optmistic about men despite my dating life… Because I have some very sweet friend-zone guys in my life, and I also see my girls dating true gentlemen. I’m honestly happy for them, but I do admit… I keep fingers crossed they don’t turn into the kind of men that suddenly are tempted to cheat and find a girl who shares similar luck to me in this game of love.