Tag Archives: sex

The Abused

7 Dec

You know about
all the horrible things
that could
happen to a woman?
Well, imagine it all
happening to one –
to be touched too young,
to be cheated on,
to be verbally, emotionally
and physically abused,
to endure sexual assault and rape.
Over and over, again, and again.
And you wonder why she
shies away from your love?
Because what destroyed her
is not where her happily ever after
can ever lie.
You created the poison
that runs through her veins now,
yet can’t stand how bitter it tastes.
Tired of circles,
she is heading on a straight path,
to find peace and happiness
of solitude
in her castle of thorns.

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Repulsive Creations

12 Oct

With a fire that burned us down to the bone
‘No’ was never something that could slip out of our lips
Taste so good in the dark but equally repulsive in the morning
As your hot breath turns stale
And perfume fades into the sweat
Backs to each other we depart
How could love cross our minds
When the lust we create can bring us back to life?

Might As Well

7 Sep

In stagnancy
we find our living death
So we might as well
mindlessly fuck till
our brains are out of breath.

One Night Stand

17 Aug

We are all we will ever be
A recipe for disaster
Fooling ourselves to believe
That come morning, we will be okay ever after.

The Ripper

23 Jul

Drive past the city lights
In hopes that he might
Find a dime to love for a while
Midnight to the break of dawn
For a little while he could belong
Next to hot flesh wet in sweat
Raindrops on the wind shield
Inticing his thirsty groin for company
He cannot be lonely tonight
Even if the warmth came from
Drenching in fresh corpse’s blood.

Spread Awareness, Get Attention

30 May

I don’t just get asked out on social networks, I also get marriage proposals.

And 100% of the time, they follow after I have expressed my opinions and standings about a particular issue ever so relentlessly. Be it concerning women’s rights, or my religion, or human rights, or war.

When I reposted a picture of the damn Gangnam style happening at UN while people are dying everywhere, an internet friend showed curiosity in me and said his mother always told him to find a girl like me.

When I said something about feminism, I was actually pleasantly surprised to find support from men, but that lead to comments like pretty little girl with a big mind is kind of really sexy.

When I quoted Malcolm X and Muhammad Ali to educate about my religion, I got told by guys they like my brain and that we should just get married.

And so on.

I am doing what I am care about, I am doing what I find meaning in doing – learning and repeating the truth. Playing my little part the best way I am able to do now. I am not doing it for the kind of interest men end up showing. I will accept respect, appreciation, admiration, approval, even debates if need be.

However, refrain from hitting on me, and sexualizing me. Women are not asking for it when they set out to do what they wanted to. Sure, we want to be recognized and accepted by a suitor for being more than just a face and a body. But there is a decent manner to ask someone out if you admire them for who they are. Objectification and flirty comments is not one of them. Stop making women feel like it is extraordinary they are speaking up for human rights – it is every human’s job to do that, not a man’s or a woman’s.

Show more skin, show less brain – be objectified.

Show less skin, use more brain – be objectified.

There is no escape. It is true when someone said it is being done and isn’t just happening. No matter what women do, there is always harassment around the corner – and when we retaliate, we are labelled crazy.

Way to go, world. Way to go.

All The Suffering, For What?

4 Sep

I got sent home early from work today. Because I was too sick. Sick because of my period cramps. Happens every month, and every month I feel like death is upon me, or should be upon me because staying alive through this suffering is like hell on earth. Every single time, I find myself whine about how I am definitely going and getting my ovaries or uterus removed because I cannot live like this.

Trust me, the pain is horrible. I can’t stand up, I can’t sit down, I can’t even lie down in bed and feel comfortable. To top it all, I most of the time find myself throwing up, sweating and shivering at the same time. And go on for hours feeling that way. No amount of Midol seems to help. I overdose on those painkillers and nothing happens. I dread I have become immune to them. I hold hot water bottles against me but they turn cold before they even start to relieve me.

And, again, this time very seriously, I question myself. I question God. WHYYYYY!!!! If it wasn’t enough to have our hoohas explode to pop out babies who are going to be a moment’s joy and a lifetime of disappointment, we have to bleed all our lives and we have to hurt while bleeding.

Okay, so in return for all that we suffer now, we are promised no suffering in Heaven. Fair enough. But why suffer in the first place anyways?! To go to Heaven where we will have to share our husbands we love so much with 72 virgins who we are supposed to enjoy watching being violated by the man I am married to? Yeah, it requires women to be heartless, but they were not made that way, so just had to put insane amounts of heart towards being heartless to eventually avoid going insane themselves.

I mean, okay, so women are promised everlasting beauty in Heaven, but what is the use if it fails to keep a man’s mind and heart all to ourselves? Don’t men get the easy way out on earth and in heaven? They can have four wives here under certain circumstances, 72 virgins in heaven, it’s never a dull moment for them. It’s not even so hard for them anyways because they are born with no heart, and only think with their wing-wangs.

If it’s ultimate happiness in Heaven, I guess it could only mean that women there are going to have no heart, no feelings, no sense of what love is. They are going to be too absorbed in themselves to worry about anything else. Which would be considered narcissistic and selfish in this life. Basically, women in Heaven are going to have to be ignorant to be happy.

And then, women are called bitter. I guess we are bitter for a reason. There is no win for us, no matter what. If we hurt when all these questions pop in our minds, we are probably shunned away for feeling this way. We get told it’s the Devil that is making us think like that. So I wonder, why were we made sensitive and emotionally weaker than men if we had to do the suffering and not them? We should have just been machines, who without any sense of right and wrong obey whatever command is given to us without question. Which a lot of women do, but they do while still breaking into pieces on the inside. I would not question anything then.

Upon research, all scholars have to say is temptations are higher for men than for women in this life. If he acts upon even a teeny bit upon those urges, he loses the 72 virgins, along with other levels of punishments. But if a woman acts upon those urges, she is shamed throughout her life on Earth, and well had nothing like 72 virgins for herself to lose, so just goes on to eternal torment in the afterlife.

I mean, it doesn’t mean I am going to turn away from my religion. I know Islam grants women more rights than other religions grant women, but even though it says equality, there is still several levels of inequality. If we were naturally programmed to not notice the inequality, I could say the world would be a better place for us. If we were born with the innate fetish of sharing our men, of being sadomasochistic enough to enjoy deathly cramps and labor pains, I would call it equality then. If we were supposed to live being treated as objects – whether it is sex objects or objects of affection – we should just not have been given the curse of feelings. We should have been made immune to pain. We should have been made immune to heartbreaks. If sexual temptations were greater for men, then for acting upon them, suffering for them should have been greater. Losing their virginity should have been painful, they should have carried the unborn child so they learn responsibility, they should have not been promised four wives and seventy-two virgins.

What message is that supposed to send to us women? That we are so easily irreplaceable, we are not enough, and we should just whore ourselves out because that is all we are worth in the end?

We All Know Men Who Hate Women

25 Dec

The most interesting movie I’ve had the chance to watch this year is no doubt The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. The dark underlying theme of aggression towards women was much needed to be brought forward on big screen, especially today… Today when the world is redefining rape and trying to shun women to silence, as was done in the past.

I started off liking the male lead character, Mikhael. He seemed like a good husband and father, trying to solve the mystery of a missing girl, eager to crack the case of a serial rapist and murderer. However, he was still a douchebag – he still cheated on his wife, had sex with Lisbeth while working with her, and when they do find out who the killer is, he tries to defend him and why he could have done all the horrible things that he did.

“He had the same chances as us to choose what he wanted to be. He was no victim. He was a sadistic motherfucker who hated women.” – Lisbeth.

Of all the messages the movie conveyed, there was one that stuck out to me the most: that of trust. The trust Lisbeth found so hard to have in someone, especially the men in her life. And just when she thinks she could finally trust a male with her mind, her body, her heart, he still ends up betraying her, leaving her all alone.

The movie was a sharp reality-check. There was basically no nice man in the movie. Mikhael could have been – he could have loved the woman who put her life in danger to save his life, help finish what he started. But instead, he chose to hide his affair from his wife and continue being with her, not caring a bit about Lisbeth. Left her all alone.

As a woman who is often called a “man-hater”, the movie basically made my beliefs about the scarcity of good men even stronger. The rapists, the abusive spouses, the honor-killers, pedophiles, chauvinists, typical college douchebags – they are literally there every step I take. Everywhere I’d hear some male crack sexist jokes about how women belong in the kitchen, are horrible drivers, can’t be good leaders, calling them whores and justifying sexual assaults with “she was asking for it”.

They’d tell me to learn to take a joke. Well, I refuse to find anything funny about rape. I refuse to find anything funny about a girl who is working three jobs to support herself & her family being told she should be making sandwiches for the men in her life. I refuse to agree a girl is a whore just because she decides she could use a one-night stand to relieve whatever stress she could be having, all the while a boy is being praised as a womanizer for doing just that. To me, all these men are men who hate women.

You cannot be violent with a woman and say you did it because you care – you just left bruises all over someone like you would on someone you hate.

You cannot buy and sell women in trafficking and say you’re doing it cuz you need them – you are treating them far worse than you could treat an animal.

You cannot make sexist jokes and still say you love women – you just ridiculed them and their right to be who they choose to be.

You cannot sleep with them and forget them – you just disrespected them, refused to understand who they are, how they feel.

You cannot date them and cheat on them – you just played with their trust, you betrayed them.

None of that falls under love. It’s hate. Hate that could possibly stem from looking down on women, not thinking of them as human, or being jealous of how you’ll never be who they became, or simply envying how they fought and survived every hardship that came upon them better than you yourself could. Either way, it’s simply hate. And unfortunately for many women like me, there are not many places we can go without being attacked by men with such hate.

The most I can hope for and hopefully accomplish is to find that rare man I don’t experience this hate from, and when and if I do have a son, teach him to respect and love women for who they are, what they do… And especially to understand them before making judgemental statements about them. Basically, raise him to be a feminist.

Double Standards of Sex Crimes

6 Nov

A person whose house is burgled can speak freely of the theft and expect to be believed. But women who are sexually assaulted are silenced by shame. If a victim of rape goes public, she’s seen as seeking publicity instead of retribution. If her story is inconsistent, we assume she is lying instead of suffering the aftereffects of trauma. If she is taller or bigger than her perpetrator, we assume she should have been able to shove the perpetrator off, even when doing so would mean losing her job, her freedom, possibly even her life. What we forget in drawing these conclusions is the impact of power and the impact of terror.

From personal experience: I was 10 when I told a school friend this male teacher inappropriately “touches” me. The next day, her mother comes and finds me, tells me to stay away from her daughter because I am an indecent girl with no morals. And even managed to tell some other girls in my class to stay from me, too. I was 10. I did not even know what was happening to me. And I only believed something was seriously wrong with me.

And yet, no matter how much we write about it, talk about it, things do not seem to get any better. The way the world started off, blaming women for their rape, remains the same.

I have watched these victims. From a series of victim experiences, I understand their silence. I know their fear. I know the feeling of regret many have to live with forever for not speaking up. Because of their silence, another innocent girl got hurt. If they would have spoken up, if they would have called the cops, they could have saved someone. Anyone.

If only they could rewind the time to go back and make a difference.. if only.

Coming from a closed society, I have witnessed many women termed promiscuous when they come clean before they could blame their rapist. It’s always the “she must have led him on.”

Hence, the suffering in silence.

After all, who wants to live feeling guilty anyways? Who wants to be looked down upon? Who wants to lose friends because something horrible and shameful has happened to them? They rather just stay silent, bury the pain, and move on. And, like me, reflect time to time on how those words have shaped us into the person we are today.